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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 19, 2009 22:06:19 GMT -5
Ashton really didnt have much of a thought of what he was doing today. Hed left his room and just started walking, apparently taking a little tour around the building. He wasnt necessarily bored, which was something new. Usually he was and lately he found himself on the chatroom only to find that Peter was there too and if he wasnt already it didnt take much waiting before he was as well.
The past couple of days, Ashtons found himself in a kind of... weird mood. One hes never actually experienced before. He almost feels like a different person, not completely of course, theres still has been some breif moments where he just didnt want anything to do with anyone, but for the most part he just felt... oddly light. He actually laughed at things he normally found really stupid... or smiled. Then again those all included things with Peter. If anyone else said or did the things he did sometimes he would have rolled his eyes and dismissed them for not being worth his attention.
The added thoughts of Peters ex being around now was still in the back of his mind but apparently he wasnt dwelling on it too bad at the moment. He hadnt run across alex yet and Peter hasnt brought him up again... so far. He just hoped Alex didnt try to get smart and do something. Ashton could be quite possessive at times when it came to Peter. Half the times he didnt even realize it.
As he continued his touring he found himself in the music room. He moved passed the seats and took in all the instruments that was available there. He tapped his fingers on the keys of the piano as he then continued on, stopping at the guitar they had. He tilted his head his fingers running over it. No one else was in the room so he picked it up holding. The last time he had touched a guitar was when he had been over at Peters and he saw Eleanore. He hadnt played it though.
This time he propped it up on his thigh getting comfortable. His face was set in concentration as he placed his fingers, testing it to make sure it was tuned before he settled into a nice little tune. It was one he had written awhile ago, it had no name, he hadnt even finished it his head bent a bit his ear toward the guitar as he closed his head humming along to the melody that flowed from it, his head moving very slightly to it as well. He was in his own little world.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 20, 2009 14:10:04 GMT -5
I don't care if Mondays black
Tuesday Wednesday heart attack
Thursday never looking back
It's Friday I'm in love
Peter felt great, better than he had in a while. It made him laugh when Ashton had asked him if he had found some of his stash or had been drinking or had too much sugar. The thing was... Peter was just too happy. He was almost overfilled with the feeling. Before leaving his room Peter scribbled two notes in his fluid hand writing. The first note was to Taylor, who he hadn't seen in a little while. Peter didn't want Taylor to think that he had abandoned him...even if Taylor wanted to be around Damian more. The second note was for Alex. Peter had decided that it wouldn't hurt to at least help Alex feel at home at St. John's. He didn't want to be hostile or anything so he decided he would be nice and just be a friend to Alex. There wouldn't be any harm in friendship.
The first note read:
Miss ya tye-dye :]
That little scribble thing at the bottom...
it's a crying bear D: it's telling you how much
cuddly bear misses you!
The second note read:
daaaamn, alex, you quiet.
get out a little! enjoy SJ for what it's worth :3
It wasn't unlike Peter to leave his friends random noted under their door. Peter checked Hobo's food and water, placed a kiss on Hobo's nose and headed out of his room, locking the door behind him. He walked down the hall, stopping first at Taylor's room, dropping off the note he wrote for Taylor, sliding it under the door. Peter then walked to the room he knew to be Alex's and slid the last one under the door. He felt like he was doing a good job, just making people happy and that made him feel happy in itself. Peter made his way down the dorm hallway, whistling a sort of happy tune. His mood was just too good to destroy. No one could bring down his high of happiness.
Peter wasn't exactly sure about where he was going, but he was sure that he needed to go somewhere or he would go crazy. He wondered if it were possible to get cabin fever in a dorm room. Would it then become dorm room fever? It was a thought. Peter was glad that his thoughts were back to their normal randomness. It finally struck Peter that he had an itch to play piano. Since the only place he knew with a piano was the music room, it was to the music room he would go. Oh he could only think of all the different possibilities of songs to play. Then Peter wondered if he could just make up his own song for piano. That would be awesome. So Peter was headed to the music room with the intention of writing a song for piano.
The weather was so nice. Peter couldn't remember a nicer Friday. He nearly skipped into the building as he headed toward the music room. His mind raced as he opened the door slightly, allowing the sound of a guitar filtering to his ears. Peter had to know who it was that was playing that song... then a voice hit him like a ton of bricks. He defintiely knew that voice. Peter peeked in, glad to see that Ashton had his eyes closed. He had never heard Ashton sing before... it was nice. Peter licked his lips as he quietly walked forward, his eyes trained on Ashton, his lips parted. He was in complete awe. Why had Ashton not sung for him before? Why hadn't Ashton told him that he could play? Peter already knew Ashton could come up with some amazing lyrics... but this... Peter couldn't understand why Ashton would hold it back.
Peter felt a tingling in his fingertips. He bit his lower lip as he moved silently toward the piano, not wanting Ashton to stop on his account. Licking his lips once more, Peter sat on the piano bench and gently placed his fingertips over the keys. He let his fingers do the talking for him. Peter moved his fingers over the keys in a tune that he thought fit what Ashton was playing perfectly. Peter hesitated for a moment, wondering if Ashton would get upset that he was playing along with him...he certainly hoped not.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 20, 2009 15:21:39 GMT -5
Ashton didnt know what had made him pick the guitar up and play. It had just been so long and everytime he was around one it was like it called to him. Wanted him to play. That was ridiculous though right? He didnt have much talent. Thats why the kids laughed at him and thats why he ultimately got his most prized possession, his guitar, smashed that day. It was gods way of telling him he shouldnt even bother with that. No that was stupid, though thats what his mother had said. She had been against it in the first place anyway. She wanted him to spend his time becoming an alter boy, she wanted him to become a priest one day.
Ashton definitely could not see himself as a priest. Hed be the worst priest ever.
Ashton didnt even hear the door to the music room open or anyone walking in. The music filled his ears. Then it was like it was intensified, the sound changed, but not bad. At first he didnt get it but then he realized it was because the second sound wasnt coming from his guitar. He opened his eyes, his fingers continued to move, refusing to stop, but he didnt continue the humming. Now all that could be heard was the instruments. He just kind of looked at Peter, not saying anything, not smiling, but not frowning either.
He wasnt sure what to think, though his mind his thoughts moved from shock to annoyance to interest. The sound they created together was good and he wasnt about to ruin that. Peter seemed to have this amazing talent to pick up any sound without screwing it up, but instead making it better. Up until now hed only heard him play on his guitar. If you thought he was good on that then youd be blown away by his ability to play the piano. It was so fluid youd think the piano was part of him. Watching him was amazing as well, his shoulders, his fingers, they way his fingers just floated over the keys. His face.
Ashton licked his lips and dropped his gaze to the guitar in his hands. His long fingers almost doing the same, it felt like hed reunited with an old friend, one who hed been inseperable with before. It felt good. It only aided in this previous feeling.
When the song ended ashton rested his hand over the strings and looked up at Peter. "you sure beat all huh?' he said tilting his head just a bit before a smirk finally turned up the corner of his lips.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 20, 2009 16:40:57 GMT -5
Peter finished off the song with a light flourish. He was glad that Ashton hadn't stopped playing. The sound was great. The mellow sound of the guitar mixed with the slightly harder sound of the piano blended perfectly. Peter fell in love with the sound. He was actually kind of disappointed that it had to end so soon, but he had walked in after Ashton had already started playing. "Mm, no way! From the sound of it you beat all." Peter turned on the piano bench, straddling so that he could look at Ashton with that bright smile that only Peter could master. "I didn't know you could play like that." Ashton had some hidden talent and Peter was glad that he had stumbled in on it. "Seriously, you have a freaking awesome sound."
That wasn't just an empty compliment. Peter really thought that. It was the kind of sound Peter had been hoping to hear for quite a while, even before he had met Ashton. The way their sound mixed together and just became...well, the musical version of them. Peter's mind had to try and wrap around the fact that the music had to mean something. Real music always meant something and he wanted to believe that the meaning of the music blending so nicely... mean that they blended nicely. Peter knew that their relationship had gotten off to a rocky start, but it seemed like the two of them had been getting closer and closer. Now Peter didn't have to wonder if they were going to make it... he knew it.
Peter scooted closer to Ashton, but remained on the piano bench. He reached out and ran his fingers over the strongs, along the bridge until his hand reached Ashton's. His hand covered Ashton's, applying a gentle squeeze before returning back to the piano bench. "Your skill is far beyond Yamaha." Peter said, commenting on the guitar. He wasn't a huge fan of the Yamaha brand. Peter preferred Ibanez, hwich was what Eleanor was. "You know, if you want to play a quality guitar... you can play Eleanor anytime you want." It was rare for Peter to offer to let anyone play Eleanor. He was very protective of her, but he could trust Ashton. The way Ashton held the guitar told him that he wouldn't have to worry about Ashton hurting Eleanor.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 21, 2009 20:33:33 GMT -5
Ashton frowned at his compliments and looked down, his eyes trailing over the guitar. "no... no ... I... he stopped and sighed his lips forming a firm line. "You didnt know, because I didnt want you to.' he said. He tilted his head to the side. He did not take compliments well not about stuff he truly cared about. For some reason he always felt like people were laughing at him instead. He didnt want Peter laughing at him, though he knew that Peter had several reasons he could laugh at him. Peter was the real deal, Ashton was just some wannabe with a dream that would always be just a dream because thats the only place it could stay and actually be worth it.
His eyes caught site of Peters as he reached out and touched the guitar and then his hand was on Ashtons. More words came from Peter but Ashton brushed them off. He let himself a short bit of enjoyment of feeling Petes warmth on his hand before he stood up, pulling away. "Stop saying stuff like that.' he said. Just because we're "together' doesnt mean you need to fill me up with compliments and stuff. he looked like a stubborn child his brows drawn together and his jaw tightened a bit as he set the guitar down. He managed to do it with care and yet still come of as if he gave the illusion he had tossed it like it was poison in his hands.
And you definitely dont have to punctuate it with eleanore' the way he had said eleanore he could have just as much said your stupid guitar. Ashton was not looking at Peter now as he moved away and picking up one of the drumsticks and started to pound, kind of annoyedly at the drums. Ashton didnt know why he was acting this way. Hed been happy not too long ago. Hed been fine even when Peter came in, playing along side of him, but then... then he didnt know. Something inside of him just changed and he was mad.. or maybe just... frustrated. He wasnt sure. He just felt... he couldnt explain it. He didnt want to look at Peter, he knew the words that came from his mouth and he didnt want to see if they had hurt him or not. Peter didnt deserve it.
Ashtons brows drew more together his lips pursed even more firmly as he continued to hit obnoxiously at the drums.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 21, 2009 21:26:09 GMT -5
Peter didn't understand why Ashton would want to hold his talent back. All that time Ashton had spent telling him that he should keep going and work to attain his dreams of being a musician...and here Ashton wasn't taking his own advice. More than anything Peter wondered why Ashton wouldn't want him to know. He didn't want to take it as a personal hit, but it was hard not to. Peter had thought that he would be able to tell Ashton anything and have absolutely no secrets between them... but it was apparent that Ashton didn't feel the same way about that. Again Peter had to convince himself that it wasn't a personal hit, but it did hurt a lot more coming from Ashton than it would coming from anyone else. But that seemed to be a pattern with them. Ashton would say something, Peter would take it personal, and it would result in a little fight. Usually things would be resolved pretty quickly, but with no thought on the initial issue.
Despite the nagging feeling deep inside him, Peter went for it anyway, continuing to complement Ashton, along with the hand squeeze. But it seemed that Ashton even reacted negatively to that. The word together sounded bitter to Peter. He stared at Ashton, a little shocked, his chest tightening with the feeling that overcame him. Peter just couldn't believe that Ashton thought he would compliment just because they were together. He wanted to immediately disagree, but Ashton's tone of voice told him that wasn't a good idea. Not once since meeting Ashton had Peter really been afraid of him, but that tone... it sounded all too familiar to him. Peter told himself not to think too much of it as he forced himself to look down at the piano keys. 'Don't think too much about it, Peter... Ashton's just in one of his difficult moods...' He chanted inside his head.
For the first time Peter was glad that Ashton moved away. Instead of following Ashton Peter turned on the piano bench to face the piano. The way Ashton had said Eleanor... like she wasn't important to Peter... like she was just some stupid object that was absolutely meaningless. That crossed a line Peter didn't want to believe he had. Instead of fighting back, which he should have done, Peter hung his head, running his fingers over the smooth keys of the piano. He repetitively told himself not to cry. Peter wanted to. Of all the things Ashton had said to him... none of them had made him feel like that... like he should be afraid. He didn't know what to say. Peter had a feeling that anything he said would be met with the same kind of force and he just didn't want to break down in front of Ashton like that.
Instead of using words to do his talking, Peter used music. That was the best form of communication he had at the moment that could truly express how he felt about what Ashton had just said. Peter allowed his fingers to travel the keys at an average rate, not too fast, but not too slow. The left hand part moved into lower sounds, adding to the sadness factor, but the right hand part was speeding up and staying midrange, adding the aspect of fear. At times the two would blend, in Peter's mind symbolising the clashing of the two emotions. This way Peter was able to down the sound of the drum stick out of his mind and feed his thoughts into the piano. Sometimes Peter felt bad for music... having to convey emotions that were difficult for people to handle.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 21, 2009 21:42:26 GMT -5
Ashton was so pissed off at himself, he couldnt seem to take grip of his thoughts and the way he was acting. He knew he had hurt Peter and a lot of that he hadnt even meant. More shit that just seemed to pour from his mouth whenever things mattered. You always hurt the ones you love. That saying.... he frowned and shook his head. Well at least the ones you actually care about. He wondered if thats why his dad had been the way he had, then he stopped. No that wasnt it at all. His father didnt love him. His mother obviously hadnt since she just found a way to escape and figured the reason she did it gave her a valid reason for doing it. It was shit.. utter shit and he wasnt going to be naive enough to believe it.
He would never hurt peter the way his father hurt him or the way Peters father hurt him, well... that was a lie. Obviously he was hurting him like that right now without the physical factor. but emtional was so much worse. Bruises healed, broken bones and cuts healed, but the rest... the rest was so much deeper. He beat the drums harder, he wanted to hurt himself. He wished he could seperate into two different people and just beat the shit out of himself. Ashton was expecting something from Peter, anything. He refused to look though.
As his thoughts turned to Peter something else seemed to cut through his self loathing thoughts and the sound of the drum. Music...
He looked over at Peter, his beating slowing till finally the stick just rested on the drum. His jaw was loosening and his nose unflared. He drupped the drum stick, the music hitting him like any words. The concentration on Peters face, the way he held himself and the way his fingers moved along the keys. The sound that came out. Ashton could feel it.
Ashtons anger was slowly slipping away, not completely but a lot of it was replaced with something else. He moved over to the piano, standing near Peter. He leaned over and laid his hand flat on the keys right in between his hands, his body was stretched across the side of the seat some. Why?' he shook his head. Why dont you say something? Why dont you... do something?' he was looking straight at him.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 21, 2009 22:43:11 GMT -5
Peter froze as Ashton placed his hands on the keys, causing a dischord of sounds that snet a chill down Peter's spine. He jumped slightly, automatically bringing in his arms to wrap around his abdomen. Peter didn't look up to Ashton at all. He just couldn't bring himself to do that. Why didn't he say something? Peter wasn't sure. It just seemed a lot easier of him to take abuse rather than fight against it. That was the way it had been his whole life. So many times Peter had been beaten both physically and verbally...any time he dared to do anything about it the situation would only get worse and worse. There would be no going back to that. Peter had learned his lesson and that was that he couldn't speak out when he was being abused by anyone and that included Ashton. There was a part of him that told him it wouldn't be smart... that it would only get worse and it would only hurt more.
But as Peter thought about it... as he thought about all the times his dad would hit him if he said anything or cried or yelled back, the times his mother would sit there and watch as if it were some entertainment show, and the way his father had always drilled it into his head that no matter what he said or did... he would be worthless. That worthless feeling crept back into Peter, covering what good mood had been there previously. In the back of his mind he could picture Ashton telling how worthless he was because he couldn't stand up for himself... because he would rather be abused than think he was making someone unhappy... at those thoughts... something inside Peter snapped.
"What do you want me to do, Ashton?" Peter said, finally looking up. "Would you rather me yell and scream? Do you want me to make a scene and say things I might regret later? Is that what you want?" He breathed a sigh, staring at Ashton's hand on the key's. "I'll never be able to be that guy, Ashton. I can't force myself to react like that." Peter silenced himself for a moment. He had to think things through. Not once had he felt like this because of Ashton. Angry, sad, confused, worried... all of those Peter could have handled. But afraid? That might take some work. Peter just didn't know how much work that it would take exactly, which wasn't a good thing. Peter didn't like feeling the way he did and he just wanted to fix it.
"You don't have to accept it when I give you a compliment..." Peter started. When he looked back at Ashton his grip on his hoodie tightened. "But never think that I'm only complimenting you because we're together. If I thought you sucked, then I would say something like that. Don't call to question my honesty just because I care about you." Peter felt like he was on a roll, but it was about time that he didn't pin up his emotions. "Back to your question..." Peter said dully as he moved off the piano benche. "You want to know why I can't do any of that stuff? It's because I would rather sit back and let you say those kinds of things to me than think that I was making you unhappy." He shrugged, "maybe you think that's stupid or maybe you just don't care, but however you want to look at it, Ashton, I don't want to fight you."
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 21, 2009 23:51:33 GMT -5
Ashton frowned inwardly as he saw Peter pull in on himself, wrapping his arms around his abdomen. He still looked at PEter waiting for his answer not sure what he was going to say. He still felt like he was attacking him, maybe he was. A lot of the time during and after Ashton would have his mood swings he evaluated himself. It was as if he watched himself from afar, like a psychologist and hed analyze what he would say and do and then reason it out and come up with diagnosis and such of himself.
He knew voicing it would make it sound like he did it all on purpose. Then again maybe he did. He could say a lot of things but he still wouldnt understand things. Sometimes he wished he didnt look at things so factually. He wished he could just... not think at all sometimes. Over thinking always drove him nuts and he tended to do it a lot. His eyes never wavered from Peter. Sometimes Ashton felt like he needed that physical feeling. A lot of the times he wanted to feel some kind of solid feeling. Needed to feel some kind of pain or anything that would make him remember the reality that was really there.
He thought that was what he wanted now. What he needed from Peter. He thought he needed him to yell at him, strike out at him. Maybe he still did, but now as he looked at him, watched him.... listened to the words that were now coming from him. Now he wasnt so sure. He mentally blinked. He had always thought Peter needed a stronger back bone to stand up to the people around him, and that included himself. He hated how he just bended over and took everything people gave. Ashton was no better than any one of those people that did that to him and yet the thought of those people doing that to peter had him wanting to rip their heads off and feed it to them. Yes he even wanted to do that to himself especially now.
Peter continued and Ashton still said nothing as he watched him get up from the piano bench. Ashton straightened up his own arms crossing over his chest but he still kept his eyes on Peter. He had never seen Peter like this. He wanted this, but he didnt. He wanted Peter to stand up for himself he didnt want him to let him abuse him. He wanted to take what he gave. He.... he didnt know.
Right now... he didnt want any of that. Right now he needed something else. Instead of pain instead of solid physical wake up, he wanted warmth. He wanted Peters arms around him, he wanted a kiss he wanted to grab on to peter, to know he was there, he wanted to know he wasnt screwing this up. He felt like such a child right now, wanting to curl up against Peter and just stay there for a little bit.
Instead of moving to Peter though, he stayed where he was his arms tighting against his chest, his arms had goosebumps on them from the cold he felt, not the cold of the room because it really was comfortable. He bit his lip and looked down his eyes on Peters shoes instead. hmm...
Of all things to come out of his mouth thats what came out. In his mind he was telling him that it wasnt that he didnt care, because he did care. More then he really should because honestly he didnt deserve Peter at all, but instead all that came out was a stupid noise. Peter deserved so much more. He wished he could just say something, make it better because really thats what he wanted right now. He just wanted it better, he wanted it to be like it was before he decided to act like a fucking deuchbag.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 22, 2009 13:38:03 GMT -5
It wasn't normal for Peter to act like that. Peter didn't like talking that way to Ashton. He felt guilty about it even if he were justified. As much as Peter wanted to think that he had just answered Ashton's questions... deep down Peter knew he had used the situation to release some of his pent up thoughts. Peter couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. For years it had been easy for him to hold in his feelings. Why was he beginning to crack now? It wasn't with everyone that this would happen though. When talking to Taylor and Cait, Peter could easily push back his problems and live in Peterworld where everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about. But with Ashton... it was as if he were being forced to realize that Peterworld really wasn't how things were. The reality of it all was brutal for the soft boy. Peter wasn't sure about what he thought about being constantly forced to face reality. Of course, Peter knew he would have to live with it. After all, he had been the one that chose reality in this case.
Even after Peter's little rant all he got was a 'hm'. Peter closed his eyes, trying to think. The more he tried to think about what he should do next, the more the clashing sound of Ashton putting his hand down on the keys of the piano. It was like his thoughts were in their own dischord. Peter let his brown eyes fall on Ashton. It really seemed like Ashton had calmed down a lot since the first few things he had said, but Peter wasn't sure that he needed to test it. But as he watched Ashton, looking for some sort of sign, he just wanted to end whatever it was that was going on at the moment. Peter wanted to do what he was best at and give in... just let Ashton have this one. Biting his lower lip, Peter slowly moved back toward Ashton.
"Ash..." Peter said softly, reaching out to place a hand on Ashton's forearm. "Please, just talk to me, okay? I mean..." Peter sighed softly, "I just... I..." Peter trailed off, knowing what he wanted to add, but also knowing that wouldn't be a good idea at the moment. It was much too soon for that. He would have to wait until he thought Ashton could handle hearing those words. "You can tell me, Ash, when something is bothering you, especially if I'm the one causing it... please just let me know." Peter dropped is hand from its position on Ashton's arm. He didn't wnat to risk making matters any worse than they already were. If Peter thought Ashton would be okay with it, then he would just flat out hug him and say he was sorry a million times over. That was what he should be doing, well, what Peter thought he should be doing.
Peter offered a frail smile. He could never stay mad at Ashton too long. Even the time he had spent ignoring ashton for four days had been hard on him because sometimes during the first day Peter had really started to miss Ashton. To add to a list of some things that Peter didn't think that Ashton would ever want to know... Peter would lay awake sometimes, even after signing off the chat, he would lay in bed and just think... mostly about Ashton and how he just wished everything were a lot simpler. But Peter knew things were never that simple. That was something that Peter was willing to deal with. He knew that as long as he knew he had Ashton there, in his life, no matter what was said... that he would have that happiness that would always creep back up.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 22, 2009 20:07:21 GMT -5
Ashton expected to hear Peter turn around and walk out. He was waiting for the receding footsteps and the click of the door as it shut, but instead that did not come. He frowned, his eyes still watching the shoes that did not move. Though as the time seemed to go on forever, he finally saw the shoes move, but instead of going out of his vision they got closer, and more in till he could see legs and then he felt his hand on his arm and his voice saying his name. Why was he still here? Didnt he just fuck this up? He should be telling Ashton to fuck off and leave. He was so retarded at this shit.
Ashton didnt reply. He didnt say anything as Peter continued on, his words catching a bit and he stopped, only to pick up again. He wanted him to talk to him. Wanted him to tell him what was wrong. Ashtons lips curled a bit in a sarcastic bitter frown, but it wasnt directed to Peter, it was for himself. He was about to brush his hand off, but Peter had already taken it off. Ashton looked up at him then, seeing the frail smile. It wasnt fair. He wanted Peters hand on him again. The fact that Peter was voluntarily not touching him, well Ashton didnt like it. If he wasnt going to touch him he wanted it to be because he had refused his touch not because Peter didnt want to touch him.
Ashton didnt say anything for a few moments, just looking at peter, his mind seeming to work through what he should say or not say. Finally he just shrugged. "Its not you...' he said his voice low. "Never you... I dont get it.' his voice got even more quiet as he said that last part. He just didnt get it, why didnt Peter get on his nerves like everyone else. He should, he was no different from Taylor or Ian or... whoever all his friends names were, Cait.. sydney. His eyes rolled a bit at the thought of the girl that really kind of drove him nuts big time. Hed only actually talked to her once, but really she just irked him a lot.
Hah! Dumbass. Of course hes different.
But hes not. He shouldnt be.
He is... stop being an idiot.
I dont get it.
You think too much. For once just stop thinking. Hes different and you've know it from the start.
No...
Yes... Hes not going to fuck you over. Stop being so damn paranoid and self depressing. Really you can be such a fucking emo.'
SHut up! ITs not that fucking easy.
Sure it is. You just choose to make it hard. Stop it..'
Ashton shook his head, ridding himself of his thoughts again. He picked his hat up off his head, running a hand through his hair. He looked up at Peter again, tilting his head some. "Just ... its not you. okay?' he said and sighed pushing away from the piano. He walked passed Peter a few steps then turned to him. so um... his eyes fell to Peters chest and his waist. He really just kind of wanted to touch him. Hold him. He wouldnt though.
Ashton licked his lips again, rubbing the back of his neck. "What do you want to do?' he asked and finally brought his eyes back up to Peters. peter would eventually touch him, he was sure. He would wait. He could. Then he wouldnt feel like such a helpless child looking for comfort when it had been his fault in the beginning for these feelings.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 22, 2009 21:31:40 GMT -5
Peter was kind of confused. If it wasn't him that was cusing Ashton such problems, then he would like to know what was. He didn't like thinking that Ashton was going through something that he mught need some help with. Of course, Peter also didn't think that Ashton would be willing to tell him any of that stuff. It always seemed like Ashton was trying to protect him. Peter didn't always think that he needed to be protected, but it was a nice thought. That was the only reason that he decided to let it slide. If Ashton wanted Peter to know what was going through his head, then surely he would say something. Sometimes Peter worried about Ashton, but that was sort of unjustified. Ashton always seemed so level headed. But as he watched Ashton, Peter wondered if he should start worrying more. There had to be something that he could do to keep Ashton happy... there had to be something. Peter didn't want to think that he was useless anymore.
Tilting his head, Peter watched as Ashton removed his hat. Peter turned, following Ashton with his eyes as Ashton walked past him. Ashton emphasized that it wasn't Peter that was causing the problems. Peter was sort of relieved. At the same time Peter wished that he knew what was really bothering Ashton. When Ashton changed the subject, Peter really wasn't surprised. He didn't think that Ashton would really enjoy it if Peter said he just wanted to be there with Ashton. Of course, Peter tried to think of something that they could do. There wouldn't be any music since Ashton hadn't even wanted Peter to know that he played. Peter didn't know what to say or what they could do that didn't involve things that Peter knew Ashton probably wouldn't want to do.
Peter slowly walked toward Ashton, closing in the distance between them. Naturally his hands reached out, placing themselves on Ashton's hips. "Honestly, I have no clue. Got any suggestions?" Peter asked, hints of his real smile returning. For some reason Peter just managed to take a sad song and make it better. It was a natural talent of Peter's. His optomism saved him a lot of depression over the years as well. Peter didn't really care about what they did as long as they did it together. Peter spent a lot of time with Ashton. It wasn't like he was deprived of attention from his boy friend... just that he loved being with Ashton. Save the times that Ashton would act weird or say some relatively hurtful things. Even then, Peter was always quick to settle back into his normal, happy-go-lucky self.
As Peter held Ashton's hips, looking up to the other boy with his big brown eyes. He hoped that Ashton would have a good idea about something to do. Peter didn't want to think that he was boring to Ashton, which could be possible. He didn't do half the things Ashton did. Peter didn't smoke and he didn't drink and parties were nice, but not really his style. It would figure that Ashton might be used to having something to do.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 23, 2009 23:24:49 GMT -5
Ashton didnt move away when Peter stepped closer to him, his hands finding their familiar place on his hips. He welcomed the warmth of his hands there. Ashton gave a small shrug looking down and then up, catching the smile on Peters face. He had a feeling he would never figure out what it was about Peter that naturally lightened his moods. It may take a little bit, but inevitably it always seemed to lighten him up. Ashton narrowed his eyes, though his lips were starting to perk up into a smirk that verged more onto a grin. Damn Peter.
Ashton looked over at the Piano then back at Peter. "mm.. maybe... you could go play some more piano..' he said. "That... was pretty hot' he smirked. It was pretty easy for him to turn things into a sexual meaning with Peter. Well its not like he was lying. Peter was easily one of the hottest guys hed ever been with and the fact he seemed to fit so well with Ashton was a plus. He also did have plenty of sexual fantasies about him and even when he was jacking off to porn, for some reason his mind seemed to integrate peter into it as well. IT didnt bother him, he thought for sure he would tire of Peter sexually at some point, but so far he hadnt, not even in his mind. That was another thing he should really think would mean something, but again he pushed it away for another day.
Even if he sounded as if thats all he thought about, or if thats all he wanted int he relationship, it wasnt the only thing he thought about. There were plenty of nonsexual stuff he thought about concerning peter and their relationship. Sex was just a safe spot for him. It had less complications and less truths for him to face up to.
"I think..' he started. "one of these days I want to fuck you on a piano...' he grinned. "After you play though. he tilted his head a bit. "Ill... Ill even play .. with you" he added. He was feeling okay right now. They really had sounded good together, he kind of wanted to hear them again.
Ashton brough his own hands up to rest on Peters hips, his fingers playing with the end of his shirt as he moved closer to him, leaning in to press his lips to Peters, his teeth catching Peters bottom lip and he nibbled it a bit, tugging it when he pulled away. Letting to he leaned forward again and this time one hand moved up to the back of his neck his fingers playing with the hair there , his tongue moving against his lips wanting to deepen the kiss.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 24, 2009 10:09:01 GMT -5
A smirk played across Peter's lips at Ashton's suggestion. He didn't think his playing the piano would have any effect on Ashton. Peter could remember Ashton asking him which instruments he could play. Somehow, Peter figured piano would be a lot hotter than an accordian. He thought for a moment, as if it really took all that much thought. Peter would play anything for Ashton any day he wanted it to be played. "Hm, I suppose one more time wouldn't hurt." He said with a sly grin. "I'll have to see if I can make it sexier." Peter tossed in a random wink along with a laugh. Peter wouldn't go overboard, though he would be sure to play his best since it was for Ashton. Something about having Ashton around always made him want to play his best. That was a very good thing. Ashton would never have to say anything about his playing... Peter just naturally wanted to play perfectly for him.
It was Ashton's second comment that had Peter surprised. Peter raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips slightly, "Mm, now you've got yourself a deal." Peter said with a smirk. Not only would sex on a piano be pretty interesting, but the fact that Ashton was now willing to play with him. There was no way that Peter could pass that up at all. He didn't want to. Ashton seemed to be Peter's lifeline to music. So far, during his relationship with Ashton, he had been writing tons of things that all sounded great to him. It was rare that ever happened and Peter just figured, because of the timing, that Ashton had something to do with that. That was a thought to consider. It made Peter want to cherrish Ashton for all that he was worth, which to Peter, was a LOT.
As Ashton kissed him Peter grinned as his own technique was used against him. It was just so freaking sexy. The feeling of Ashton's teeth pulling at his lower lip... there was nothing like it. When Ashton's fingers started playing with the hairs at the back of his neck, a shiver went down Peter's spine. He loved it when Ashton made his spine tingle with excitement. Peter could get the hint though. The way Ashton was running his tongue againts his lips told Peter that Ashton wanted a deeper kiss and that was something Peter was most definitely willing to give. Peter parted his lips, naturally wrestling his tongue against Ashton's. Sometimes it seemed like most of their relationship revolved around sex, but Peter didn't totally mind that. He enjoyed having sex with Ashton.
Peter pulled away from the kiss, his lips still barely touching Ashton's, "And here I thought you wanted to wait until after I played." He said with a grin, "keep this up and I won't be able to consentrait on playing" Peter wondered if he could play thinking about Ashton's burning touch, the way his lips felt perfectly matched up with his own, the way Ashton's hands grabbed at his hips, tugging the shirt, and of course, the spine tingling sensation that seemed to linger with every kiss and touch. It would be hard for sure.
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