DISARM (jasper)

[IAN ACKART]

Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to

outfit

In all honesty Ian had never expected Jasper to ask him to go to a club with him fully aware of how Ian could get when he was drunk. Ian was pretty bad when drunk. He would become clingy and end up kissing whoever walked by him. Drunkeness is the only thing that could cause Ian to kiss a girl. His drunken habits became the reason that Ian didn't drink often. But somehow Jasper had managed to convince him to go to a club and grab a few drinks. During the day Ian tried to convince himself that he didn't have to get drunk, but another part of him reasoned that the only reason Jasper asked him out was so that he could watch Ian get drunk.

That thought was a little disappointing to Ian. He didn't want to believe that Jasper would only invite him out for entertainment purposes. But it was Jasper...every option had to be considered no matter how unpleasant they were to think about. Ian always enjoyed hanging out with Jasper. Sure the boy could be a little pessimistic at times, but Ian was used to it. And Jasper already knew how Ian felt about a lot of things so it was easier to work around it.

As Ian walked into his bathroon to brush his teeth a curious Roscoe scampered in after him, attempting to climb up on the toilet lid, but slipping back into the floor. The whole scene had caused Ian to laugh and nearly spray tooth paste everywhere. Roscoe eventually made it onto the toilet lid, but by that time Ian had already finished brushing his teeth and headed out to pick out his clothes. He wasn't sure that he needed to dress up to go to a clube. It wasn't like Jasper would care if he weren't dressed to the highest standard. he decieded that he would go with an outfit that he liked to wear to clubs whenever he did go.

A yellow t-shirt and a pair of rather comfortable sweat pants. Ian always went for comfort no matter where he went. Comfort was always a little easier to work with than being uncomfortable for hours on end. Once he was dressed he looked down to Roscoe, who was sitting on the bed, looking up at Ian. He rolled his eyes at the ferret, "No, you can't go. The last time I took you to a club YOU got into some alcohol." The ferret mewed, pulling at the covers of the bed. Ian sighed, "No way, stay here and be good. I'll know if you do something for revenge." Ian said with a smile.

Roscoe turned over, laying belly up and Ian scratched the rodent's belly. "Maybe next time, buddy." He said before walking toward the door. Ian knew he didn't have much time to get down to the club. He had decided to meet Jasper there instead so that they didn't have to go through the awkward walk over there. Earlier on the two of them had gotten into a pretty heated argument. Jasper had said some things that kind of hurt Ian, but he was sure that he had also said some things that hurt Jasper. The good thing about their fights was that they always seemed to end with the two of them laughing and being the friends the wanted to be.

Ian didn't enjoy getting in fights with Jasper, but with how different the two of them were it was inevitable. He was just glad that Jasper didn't fight with him the way he would fight with other people. Ian thought about that as he walked down the Chicago streets. He knew that Jasper sort of gave him special treatment. Sometimes Ian wished he could change Jasper, but most of the time Ian wanted Jasper to be the way he was forever... just maybe a little happier. And that was another subject for thought. A number of times Ian had managed to pop in when Jasper was saying that nothing at St. John's made him happy.

The statement broke Ian's heart. Hell, he tried his best, but he didn't think his best was good enough for affect Jasper. Ian finally arrived at the club, showing off his polished fake i.d to get inside. Sometimes the people were skeptical because Ian really looked young for his age, but he always managed to get through with no problem. Ian walked directly to the bar, avoiding touching people the best he could. He didn't want to order yet, so he just sat there, waiting on Jasper, who he was sure would be fashionably late just because Jasper never wanted to be on time anywhere.

Ian didn't mind waiting. He really hoped that Jasper would really show up. Jasper was his one friend that he felt he didn't spend enough time with. It was just easier for Ian to hang around Kennedy because he didn't feel attracted to her. Jasper was a different story. Everytime Ian was around Jasper he wished the boy believed love existed.

[JASPER STERLING]

then be happy with the consequence

[/b]
with whatever's gonna happen tonight[/font][/center]

Sitting in the shade of a tree, Jasper stared nonchalantly at the sky while sucking greedily on a cigarette. Taking it out every once in awhile he blew out a cloud of smoke, closing his eyes as his head leaned against the tree's trunk. This whole afternoon he had been sitting out in one of the more quiet spots of St. John's, letting all these feelings and thoughts resolve themselves. He had thought that if he came here for one afternoon, boom, his problems would be gone! All that weird shit he had been feeling would disappear along with all these crazy impulses he had to continually restrain. Of course, Jasper was never lucky. God, Allah, whatever fucking higher power you believed in, wanted to keep him feeling like a wreck. Worst of all, the dick didn't even consider giving him a sign of any kind. His world was just as upside down as ever, and the cigarette wasn't numbing his brain fast enough.

Everyone knew Jasper was a genius. Hell, the kid was well above his grade level in the academic department and could probably get in a pretty nice college if he put forth the effort. They'd have to look over the fact that he was a little suicidal and get over his arrogant personality, but hey, that's besides the point. Everything for Jasper was supposed to be figured out. Give him a problem, an essay topic, a science project – any of those could be completed in the minimum amount of time. When you added these emotions – jealousy, anger, self-loathing, and regret – he was boggled. How could one fricking kid cause that much damage? Nothing perplexed him but: Ian Ackart. He felt like no matter how hard he tried or how much he focused, this kid left him feeling like a dog chasing his tail.

The kid wasn't exactly confusing. I mean, it was obvious that Ian was one of those happy-go-lucky dorks that was filling up St. John's like vermin. That was another issue too... He never could easily say Ian was vermin. He even swore less around the boy, and could begin to notice that he was, well, actually nicer around him. Even when other people were around, in the chat room for example, he saw himself begin to mellow. It made him sick that he changed because of someone else was around. Jasper Sterling changes for no one. Nonetheless, he couldn't stop himself. Ian and him had been friends for awhile, but he hadn't felt this way initially. He was shocked enough that he had actually agreed to become friends with the boy beforehand. This whole new ugly twist was just another pleasant surprise for the cynic.

Opening his milky blue eyes again, he began to realize what time it was. At first rather lazily he pushed up his sleeve and checked his watch, not that it helped him when it came to arriving on time. “Crap,” Pushing himself up he began brushing off stray grass blades and plucking off leaves. Twisting on the balls of his feet he wondered if he could run back to his dorm real quick to see how he looked. Wait- what the shit was that? Placing one hand on his head he wondered what he was coming down with. He was seeing Ian, for godsakes. Yeah, one of his few friends, but when did he begin checking himself in a mirror before meeting him? He just had too much air, that's all. Nodding to himself, as if that had to be the reason, he began walking to the club. Throwing the one old cigarette to the ground he took out a new one and lit it, breathing it in as if it were the sweetest thing in the world.

Tonight would be a fun. A few drinks to further numb his brain, and he got to see Ian go nuts. Jasper had to pull a few strings and lie a bit in order to get off the grounds without a staff member following him, but it would be worth it. Even though this wouldn't exactly distract him with the issues he had about the other boy, maybe this was what needed to be done. It was sort of like facing a fear, right? Once he saw the other boy he was sure all these feelings that would normally make him gag would poof. Driven with a new motivation he finally got into the club, showing a fake ID even though he doubted anyone else would bother asking his age. Though Jasper wasn't the most muscular kid you ever saw, he definitely wasn't your typical “nerd”. His piercings, tattoos, and glaring ice blue eyes made most stay out of his way, for good reason.

After hitting shoulders with other people as he rushed through the club, Jasper made a bee-line towards the area he assumed Ian would be. The bar, after all, was where all the fun was supposed to start. A smirk graced his features when he recognized the boy from the rest of the drinkers and soon took a seat next to him. Taking the cigarette out of his mouth he quickly pulled the ashtray towards him and twisted it out. There he goes again... When did he care if people might be bothered by him blowing smoke in their faces'? Ignoring this other sign that something was off with him, he turned his attention back to Ian. “Glad you came,” he began, knowing very well Ian had no intentions coming at first. It was amazing how persuasive Jasper could be. “So where should we start? A bingeing contest or do you want to order something heavy and take it nice and slow? Either way, I'll just be happy to get some alcohol into my system.”

[IAN ACKART]

Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to

Clubs made Ian pretty nervous. Nothing good ever came out of them. He watched different people at the bar. There were couples wanting to have a good time, a few people trying to drown their sorrows, a couple of single people hoping to find someone desperate enough to hang with them... then there was Ian. He wasn't sure what category he fit in. His blue eyes scanned over the area, but finally ended up focusing on his glow in the dark shoes. They were his favorite club shoes. He hardly got to wear them since he didn't go to clubs that much. Ian couldn't even remember how he had come across the shoes.

All he knew was that one day he didn't have them, then one day he did. He had gotten lucky and had been handed a few things after being on his own. Most of it, though, had come from families that more or less hoped to bribe him into livign with them. All Ian got was the stuff before they decided they didn't want to adopt him. But Ian was not a waster. He made everything he was ever given last for a while. Ian still had shirts that he had gotten when he was fourteen. Four years later he knew they still had a lot of wear. Wasting wasn't good anyway. And Ian was pretty sure that getting wasted wasn't either...but apparently that was what he was there to do because he would probably do anything for Jasper if he asked.

A part of Ian wished that he was able to say no to Jasper. He wasn't a big fan of getting drunk and he wasn't a huge fan of crowds. Ian had actually told Jasper no at first, but it was like Jasper needed to use him for entertainment purposes... as much as it kind of hurt to feel like he was being used that way... Ian didn't mind if it was Jasper that was using him that way. He glanced at a clock for the time. It was a little past the time Jasper was supposed to meet him, which didn't bother Ian. Jasper was always a little late everywhere. This was something Jasper had made pretty plain when they first started hanging out. Jasper was never one to beat around the bush.

He would give Jasper ten minutes before he got impatient with him. A little more time passed before Ian smelt the faint smell of cigarette smoke. Ian didn't like it when Jasper smoked, but he had never told Jasper the he couldn't smoke around him. Jasper just sort of seemed to pick up on the fact that it made Ian super uncomfortable. He watched Jasper put the cigarette out in the ash tray before glancing back up to Jasper. Ian bit his lower lip, taking in Jasper's words uncomfortably.

Ian didn't like how anxious Jasper seemed to be about just geting drunk. "Yeah," Ian answered with a smile when Jasper said that he was glad Ian had come. He still didn't know if he should have come, but that would be something he would find out later on he supposed. "Let's take it slow." Ian said, not wanting to jump right into being stupid and crazy. "I haven't gotten to see you in a while. I'd like to enjoy the part i'm not all that drunk during." He could get drunk off Jasper's presence, but that was a story for a different time. Ian figured he should just forget that since there wasn't really a chance Jasper felt that way about him. A smile spread across his thin lips, "I don't even know where to start." He said honestly, "What should I get?"

[JASPER STERLING]

then be happy with the consequence

[/b]
with whatever's gonna happen tonight[/font][/center]

Was Jasper excited to get a little tipsy? Extremely. The freedom of not being watched by nurses and staff was slowly hitting him, his mind feeling like a marionette that finally was released from it's strings. He hated being watched nearly twenty-four/seven. No one could understand how it felt to have zero privacy or any time to yourself. Getting off the institutes grounds was a real relief. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to get drunk in his moment of escape, but Jasper didn't know how else to celebrate. Drumming his fingers on the bar counter, he listened to Ian's reply, the smirk shifting to a slight frown. The amazing enthusiasm in Ian's voice was a real killer. What had Jasper expected though? His motives for coming at first were to humiliate him. Not until now had he realized what an asshole kind of idea it was. He would never understand how Ian could cope with him. Jasper probably couldn't even deal with himself.

Deciding to oblige to Ian's request he raised on of his hand to get the bartender's attention. “Can we have two long island iced teas?” he asked, staring the man right in the eye. To his luck the man didn't ask to see their ID's again, and instead nodded and got to work on his order. Turning back to Ian the smile soon replaced the frown on his face, considering one of the other boy's statements. “It has been a while, hasn't it? What have you been up too? Other than painting your room and.. hanging out with Kennedy.” Eh. Kennedy. Whenever he saw the two talking to each other he literally got shivers. Not that he thought she was disgusting, but he felt... jealous? He couldn't understand why. The two appeared to be strictly friends, but who knows. With a pessimistic mind like Jasper's he always thought of the worst of people. According to him they could be having fun on the side or something of that revolting sort.

After the name his eyes drifted back to the counter, feeling like he already needed that drink. Maybe he should have ordered something stronger for himself... “I haven't been doing much myself. Just sticking to my room and doing busy work. I'm surprised I haven't done something crazy from being so bored all the time.” School had been his life and purpose. St John's did provide an education, but it wasn't enough of a challenge for Jasper to keep him entertained. He really needed to find another hobby. “I've been waiting for my parents to ship over my old camera but I'm worried it won't come here in one piece.” That was a scary thought. His camera, his pride and joy, arriving in the United States in shambles. You couldn't trust mail carriers these days, even if the box specifically said 'fragile' on it. Jasper lacked the ability to paint or to draw, but he worked pretty well with getting meaning out of pictures.

As the bartender handed them the drinks, Jasper's smile returned again, reaching into his back pocket. Pulling out a few bills he stated, “It's on me,” after the exchange was made. Bringing his glass closer to him he took a small sip, enjoying the sweet taste. How many of these would it take to get him completely wasted? He hadn't had a drink in awhile, so he no longer had any idea what his tolerance was. He'd just have to pace himself and wait and see. Taking the lemon off the rim he sucked on the edge of it before talking again. “You have a pretty good stomach right? I just want to make sure you won't be down after one count,” he said with a smirk. Jasper wanted a little warning before Ian just completely lost it. If it only took him one glass then that sober period Ian was talking about wouldn't last very long.

[/size]

[IAN ACKART]

Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to

Long island iced tea... it was an interesting drink choice. Ian hadn't had one of those in a long time. He was still worried about getting drunk around Jasper, but he figured that if Jasper wanted to have a few drinks, then he could oblige. Besides, that's what a friend would do, right? Ian noticed that the man at the bar didn't even bother looking at IDs. It wasn't surprising. Jasper could look pretty intimidating sometimes. This was something Ian had experienced plenty of times. But Ian had gotten pretty luck as far as that intimidating look went. Ian didn't get too many harsh looks from Jasper unless he was seriously getting on the boy's nerves. He had also noticed that even though Jasper's looks toward him were not all that intimidating... they didn't appear all that happy either. But when Jasper looked back at him and smiled, Ian couldn't help but smile too. Ian looked away when Jasper asked him what he had been up to. There really hadn't been much going on that he could talk about.

Ian shrugged, "I haven't really been up to much besides painting and hanging around with Kennedy and now Peter. He's a real interesting person." He said with a smile, enjoying just talking about things with Jasper. "And the other night I ran into this guy named Steven. He's really talkative." Ian added with a laugh, "I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep up with him. Roscoe seemed to like him though. Apparently Steven is good with animals. But other than that... there really hasn't been anything huge." Ian finally looked back over to Jasper. "Guess I'm a boring guy." He said with a grin. Ian did think his life was relatively boring as most painter's lives were just boring enough to get by. Ian didn't often try and get out there and be all that social, but he was overly friendly when he was out there being himself.

"It's no wonder you're bored all the time." Ian accused with a smile, "Staying in your room all the time... I mean, you could come see me when you're bored." He took a large sip of the drink, ignoring the slight burning in his throat. Ian had almost completely stopped drinking. He figured that it would take a little bit for him to get used to the sensation again. "I'm only eleven rooms away from you, Jasp." Of course Ian understood that there were times when Jasper probably just didn't want to be around him. Jasper had always been sort of distant, but Ian had never set out directly to change that. Ian liked Jasper the way he was and there wasn't anything he would really want to change. Besides, why should he try and change someone? That wasn't his place and he was sure that it never would be.

"It's awesome that they're sending your camera, though." Ian said before taking another sip of his drink. "I'm sure it'll get her in tact. I think I can trust the US postal service." He laughed, "when it gets here you should take a million picutres and I'll paint a million things. Then we can compare." Ian liked the thought of that. He liked having something he can relate to with Jasper. It happened so rarely that he wanted to take advantage of it while he could. Pushing hair back Ian smiled, his blue eyes falling back on Jasper. So far it hadn't been so bad... maybe there had been nothing to be afraid of after all. Ian didn't even feel a buzz yet, which was good. But he knew that by the end of the first glass he would probably be wishing that he was.

Ian bit his lip as Jasper said it was on him. He didn't want Jasper to feel obligated to pay, but he didn't say anything. Jasper had already handed the bar tender the money before he could say anything about it. Ian shrugged at Jasper's next question, "It's been a while since I've had alcohol, but I should be able to make it through at least two." He sure hoped that he could make it that far. When Ian looked down to his drink he didn't like how far he had already gotten with it. "How about you?" Ian asked, returning the question with a grin, "How well can you hold your liquor?"

[JASPER STERLING]

then be happy with the consequence

[/b]
with whatever's gonna happen tonight[/font][/center]

While one hand held the drink the other hid under the bar table as he listened to Ian. He felt himself taking bigger sips as the other boy listed who had been with. Kennedy has been enough of a worry for him. Peter though? The hand in his lap curled into a fist while the name took a stab at his heart. There was no reason to be jealous. Jasper had to remind himself that he and Ian were just friends. The hate he was feeling wasn't because he was jealous. Peter was just annoying, plain and simple. He probably just hated him for pretending to be just like Ian and always trying to get in his head. As another boy's name popped up he couldn't explain why his nails were digging into his palm as his hand tightened. He didn't even know this kid, why did he hate him? Unless... no. He simply just didn't like this guy. He didn't like... people that were way too talkative. That's right. That was a perfect explanation...

As Ian moved on to the next topic he realized all he was drinking now was water and ice. Had he really drank it that fast? He was feeling a little buzz, but nothing major would happen until he finished his next glass. He seriously needed to start pacing himself otherwise Ian would still be sober and he'd be a drooling happy idiot. As he continued to listen to Ian he watched as the bartender glanced at his drink and than him, as if a silent question if he wanted another. Giving him a quick nod so he could pay attention to the other boy, he smiled as Ian reminded him that he wasn't that far a way from his room. “Yeah, I know. I just hate to be a burden. I'd hate to walk in and ruin your artistic muse while you're painting.” he replied with a causal shrug. He said it so easily as if it were nothing, but the truth was he was scared to be alone with Ian too long. In a public area he had more control of himself, but one on one he was always worried he'd do something stupid. Especially when his mind was like it was now, utterly confused about all these emotions.

The thought about his camera made him smile again, stirring the empty glass full of ice. “I loved photography when I was younger. I used to take a camera where ever I went and I sped through reels of film. When high school started though, I just stopped touching it. I lost my inspiration.” As he went on the smile began to fade, the thought of the real reason pressing a heart string. Trying to distract himself he added, “And that would be fun. Not that I'd be much competition for your paintings.” The smirk reappeared, already imagining his lame fragmentation shots compared to Ian's deep paintings. It still would be nice though to spend his time doing something else other than problems. He had a lot of bottled energy that was focused on equations and riddles, but he knew he'd need a new outlet. There was only so many problems he could do before they became repetitive.

“At least two? You better slow down than,” he added with a grin as he eyed his glass. Not that Jasper was exactly being the perfect model when it came to drinking. With perfect timing, the bartender brought over another glass, and another exchange of money was made. “Me? I'm not exactly sure. I used to be able to drink a lot, but I have touched alcohol too much. The institute isn't even fond of my smoking, so if they knew I were here they'd probably chain me to my room.” They were very particular of what he did and where he was. He couldn't smoke, drink, take pills, or be near any sharp objects. If he even wanted an Advil he'd have to go to nurse who would fill out how many he took, when he took them, and why. It was all a annoying process and Jasper was surprised he hadn't gone crazy just from being here.

“Hopefully at least three, otherwise I'll be gone before you. And we need at least one of us to remain somewhat sober so we can get back, right?” A short chuckle left his lips at the idea that the tables might turn and Ian would be the one entertained by him. Usually he wouldn't like the idea of being so vulnerable, but... was it odd that he didn't mind being more open around Ian? The idea caused his eyes to drop from Ian back to his glass as he took a large sip. Why the fuck was he feeling like this?

[IAN ACKART]

Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to

Jasper's lack of response to the people he had been hanging aroung with told Ian that there was something Jasper didn't agree with. He knew that Jasper wasn't a huge fan of Kennedy. Ian was just thankful that Jasper was willing to tone down his obvious dislike while around him. But Peter was a different story. From what Ian had seen of how Jasper reacted when Peter was around... there was no stopping him from being rude to Peter. Ian was just unhappy that all of his friends couldn't get along. But that was just the way Jasper was. He wouldn't be much of a friend if he didn't pay attention enough to realize that Jasper wasn't really a fan of people. At times Ian would think that he was sometimes an annoyance to Jasper. It wasn't a pleasant thought, but it was a frequent one that was emphasized when he realized that Jasper didn't like a lot of his other friends. How was it that Jasper could even stand him enough to be friends? Or was it even that?

Ian let the silence settle in for a second. Staring down at the drink he held in his hand, Ian thought of a ton of different things. Bringing the glass to his lips, Ian finished off the last few sips in one large gulp. When he looked back over to Jasper a smile spread over his lips as he noticed that Jasper was already down a glass as well. Ian rolled his eyes, waving off what Jasper said about his artistic muse. "Please, Jasper, you could never ruin my artistic muse." Ian allowed for another small silence, looking away to the far end of the bar. "Besides, you know, that's a part of me you've never seen before. I mean, you've never actually been there while I was painting or anything. You might like it." Actually, not many people had been there to watch him paint. There had been a couple of times when Ian would kick Kennedy out because she, as much as he loved her, would distract him more than he needed. Neither Peter or Steven had the opportunity to watch either and there he was practically inviting Jasper.

When Jasper spoke Ian felt like he was getting to know a whole new Jasper. He hoped that Jasper wasn't already getting drunk. That would be horrible. One of them had to remain sober and Jasper's only reason for inviting him was to get him drunk. It did occurr to Ian that it wasn't the best reason to meet Jasper somewhere, but Ian had been desperate to get some quality time with Jasper. He didn't hang out with Jasper as much as he thought he should and this was his opportunity to talk one on one with Jasper without any interruptions from Kennedy or Peter. It was only unfortunate that it should perhaps get interrupted by drunkenness.

"Are you kidding me?" Ian asked, "There's just as much passion in photography as painting. Art is anything that has meaning to you. Just remember that and no one can doubt it." That was one of the theories that Ian lived by. Someone else may not be able to get the message that Ian proposes in his paintings, but the only one that needs to get them is Ian. In the world of art it is the artist who matters the most. The reast of the people are the ones that are meant to decipher the message that the artist is trying to pass on. Ian nodded, "I can't wait. I have no doubt that your pictures will be absolutely amazing." He shrugged, "Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me like you've got a lot to say."

Ian smirked as the bartender brother other drinks and took the empty glasses away. "Yeah, I'm a real lightweight. It kind of sucks when it comes to just going out for a drink with friends. I start acting stupid in no time at all." It was then that it hit Ian that he had already hit one glass. One more and he would probably be borderline pulling Jasper into a completely random kiss. God, it was the weirdest drunken habit that Ian could have asked for. He would rather just act obnoxiously silly than to act obnoxiously silly and kiss random people. Ian glanced back as Jasper as he explained that St. John's kept a watchful eye on him. "Wow... that sucks. Why do they treat you like that?" He asked, "I mean... I thought they were only like that with people that were potentially dangerous or mentally unstable. You seem normal to me. Maybe you won't get in trouble for being here."

The last thing Ian wanted was for Jasper to get in trouble for going out with him. Ian would feel terrible for a long time until he was sure that it was okay again. He nervously took sip of the new glass of tea. "Jasp," Ian started after swallowing. His head was already beginning to feel differnet. At least Ian was sure he would be the first to go. "I don't think you'll have to worry about being the first one to go. I know I'll be gone by the time I finish this one. I'm already feeling a little buzzed." He admitted, looking back down at the drink.

[JASPER STERLING]

then be happy with the consequence

[/b]
with whatever's gonna happen tonight[/font][/center]

The invitation was a bit of a surprise to Jasper who arched his brow as he tried to figure out if he was kidding or not. Pressing the glass against his lips he took a smaller sip, tossing the idea of coming to Ian's place in his head. “I suppose...” he replied with a shrug, unsure if he should consider it. “I'd probably on accident distract you and than you'd put a random black line through your piece. I'm not exactly the luckiest person, Ian. Next thing you know, your canvas will blow up!” After he said the last comment he frowned at himself. Jasper was very logical. When did he exaggerate like that so childishly? Placing his glass down he gave it a gentle push forward. No wonder when he used to drink he did it alone. If he was disgusted with himself, imagine what everyone else thought of him when he was wasted. The thought caused his eyes to narrow momentarily; he decided he shouldn't put anymore of that shit into his bloodstream. At least not when Ian was around.

Turning his gaze back towards Ian he was surprise by his burst in passion. He knew the boy loved art, but he gave a whole new meaning to it when he spoke that way. Jasper smiled at him, enjoying how he had such a strong opinion about the subject. It was nice to know someone that actually had something they lived for, rather than was tip toeing through life with no clue where they end. “You should be an art philosopher, Ian. You give a nice pep talk,” he complimented, the smile still there. Was this the alcohol talking? Jasper's conscious was thinking otherwise. If anything, what he said from this point came out as an unusual compliment or sweet talk, it was Jasper. Just the side he hid from everyone, including himself. “And I do hope my pictures come out well. But whatever, if they don't I'll still have some nice captured memories.” Optimism. Another trait Jasper buried a way years ago.

At the next sentence Jasper eyes dropped to his glass, the hand on the table reaching towards it before pulling back. How he wanted to just chug down those glasses in order to escape that question. It wasn't an easy thing to tell people. The admitting part wasn't what scared him. The people he told usually looked at him completely different. They became obnoxiously clinging and like the staff at the Institute were always worried when he got near anything he could use to kill himself with. The truth was, until Jasper came to St John's he hadn't imagined so many ways to die. When you think suicide you either think overdose, hanging, and maybe cutting your wrists. It sickened him how the staff thought he'd go as far as cooking himself or trying to kill himself with a blender. He didn't even have a mirror in his room because they thought he'd shatter it and use the pieces to slit his throat... The more they babysat him the more pathetic he felt. If they wanted to kill his self-esteem, they were doing a fine job.

He wasn't sure if the rest of Ian's comment should comfort or insult him. He was normal. Yet the people they watched were unstable or dangerous? So which one was he? “Um,” he began, letting on of his hands go through his black hair. “I hope I'm normal. But they... well, they just don't trust me. Remember that stupid stuff I did? They think I'll do again, which I don't blame them... I mean I tried it once when I got here.” His eyes widened at the last part and he swore under his breath. This wasn't liquor. There had to be so fucking truth serum in there because what happy-go-lucky drunk would go around tell people he attempted suicide? Maybe Ian wouldn't notice it or would shrug it off and move on. “-but I doubt they'd find out. I've outsmarted them before.” He tried to manage a smirk on his face that he usually got when he talked about his brain power but it only withered when Ian called him by his nickname.

Jasper wasn't exactly sure how Ian had meant for his words to come out, but it made him feel like shit. It was like a child informing him – a dirty criminal – that the poison he was giving him was finally taking affect. Whether it was because Ian called him by his nickname or how sad it just came out, he felt his heart drop. He didn't want to do this anymore. The whole reason Ian was here was because Jasper had pressured him. Fuck. Before Ian could take another sip, Jasper took the glass from him and placed it next to the one he had been drinking. Snapping his fingers to get the bartender's attention he quickly informed him, “We're done with these.” After the liquor was removed from his sight he turned back to Ian. “I'm sorry. It was really selfish of me to bring you here,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “What kind of friend gets his friend wasted?” The next sentence was more to himself, as if verbally slapping himself on the wrist. “You wanna go somewhere else? Or if you want I can call a taxi to take you home.”

“Other than spending time with you, this was an awful idea.” Once that sentence left his lips he blinked to think about it. That was a friend thing to say... right?

[IAN ACKART]

Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to

Ian shrugged, "You never know." He then smiled, "Besides, that black streak could be just what it needs." It was hard to imagine Jasper being too much of a distraction. At least he was sure that Jasper wouldn't spend most of his time complaining about Sebastian Stone. Ian wasn't sure why Kennedy didn't just get it over with and talk to Sebastian. Then again, from the sounds of it, he was the type that would mock someone for having feelings for him. IAn didn't think that was right, but it wasn't his place either to say that it was wrong so there wasn't anything he could do about it. It just seemed like a shame that Kennedy should keep things bottled up like that. Ian chuckled at what Jasper said about the canvas exploding. "Hm, an exploding canvas. Gotta watch out for those. One bad stroke and it's the end."

Unlike Jasper Ian was the kind of guy that when he started to get a little tipsy, would act silly, but say negative things. Rarely did Ian ever say or talk about anything having to do with death since it was sort of a sensitive subject for him, but he had just come right out and said 'the end' as if he were talking about a movie or something. Ian laughed, "An art philospher? Sounds boring." HE smiled as he looked at Jasper, trying to figure out what happened to the old Jasper. Ian wasn't used to getting compliments so easily from Jasper even though he recieved them a little more often than most people did. Ian felt kind of bad for thinking that he liked drunk Jasper, but there was still a part of him that wasn't sure that Jasper was drunk. He secretly hoped not. The thought that Jasper was saving a side of himself only for Ian, well, it made Ian feel a lot better.

Ian nodded, "I'm sure your pictures will be great. And you know... i'm sure there are some memories worth keeping." Of course there were some memories that wer hard to hold on to. But Ian wanted to think that he could help Jasper with having some great memories to hold forever. Forever was a long time, of course, and Ian was aware of that. Whether Jasper thought forever was possible or not... Ian did want to think that it was possible. He wanted to know that until living were no longer an option... he would remember his friends. Sure there were exceptions for things like diseases that mess with the memory. But other than those... Ian wanted Jasper to be forever. The thought caused him to sigh. At this rate Jasper wouldn't allow himself to be forever. That worried Ian sometimes.

Ian really wanted to know what "it" was. Jasper seemed to be really good at hiding that. He tilted his head, "Jasp, I hope whatever it is that they're watching you for isn't serious." He said with a worried expression. "I mean, you wouldn't do anything that would take you away from me, right? So I shouldn't, um, I shouldn't have to worry too much, right?" Ian just wanted to be sure. Losing Jasper would be the icing on the cake for Ian. He had already lost so much. Ian wasn't sure of what Jasper was doing, but if he had to sneak around the institution, then it couldn't be safe. Ian closed his eyes, thinking about what could happen if the institution didn't keep an eye on Jasper. There were so many possibilities. He wondered if he should spend more time with Jasper just so he didn't end up missing something.

When Jasper took his glass, Ian opened his mouth to protest. He didn't know what to say.The bartender took away the glasses and Ian looked at Jasper, confused. Ian couldn't figure out what had caused the sudden change. He frowned at what Jasper was saying, "No, Jasp, don't say that. You didn't do anything wrong." Ian tilted his head, thinking about whether he wanted to stay or leave. While he waited for an answer to come to him Jasper said something else that took him by surprise. "You mean that?" He asked, turning to look at Jasper. "I mean... about spending time with me..." Ian hadn't heard Jasper say anything like that before. IT was completely new to him. A smile spread over his lips as he hugged Jasper.

"Don't worry about a cab." Ian said, pulling away from the hug, but keeping his hands placed on Jasper's shoulders. "Remember? We talked about taking a walk in Chicago. Let's do it tonight." Ian's hands slipped down to Jasper. "It'll be fun. Don't you think? I think I know how to get back to St. John's, and it isn't too far." He bit his lip, smirking.

[JASPER STERLING]

then be happy with the consequence

[/b]
with whatever's gonna happen tonight[/font][/center]

Ian's words definitely hit a sore spot when he asked him about why the institute was watching him. God, did Ian even know how everything he was saying was coming out to him? Maybe it was because of the alcohol, the stuffy club air, or the fact that he was completely messed up when it came to his feelings, but everything coming out of the boy's mouth couldn't help to jab at his emotions. Part of him wanted to yell at Ian and tell him he was fuck up. Ian deserved better, and he'd only end up in pain if he hung around Jasper too long. Biting his lip, Jasper was conscious of the truth. He sucked at denial. Being so observant he was easily placing the puzzle pieces together. He didn't think he was 'bad luck' or that being friends with Ian was completely out of his league. He was scared of being cared about.

Caring. Defined in the dictionary, the verb meant to be concerned because of a liking, fondness, or affection. His parents had cared about him... they still did. Of all the emotions, he didn't think he deserved it. Care about the homeless, care about orphaned children, care about army veterans. There was no fucking reason to put such a loving emotion on himself. What had he ever done? Excelled in school, made his brother happy when he was around, and than scared the shit out of everyone with his selfish suicide attempts. Oh yeah, his life had been so productive! Being cared for only made more attachments that were just waiting to be ripped and broken. His mind always teased him for being such a coward. And the truth was, it couldn't be more correct. He was scared. Like a kid cornered alone in a dark room, he didn't want to be hurt again... even if that meant blocking out the rest of the world in order to avoid such pain.

“I-” he began, feeling himself choke. If he told the truth Ian would worry. If he lied he'd feel guilty putting Ian in a false reality. Really, all he could do was pick the lesser of two evils. “No. No, you don't have to worry.” He tried to smile, but it was difficult. Taking a deep breath he tried again to relax his features with better results. “I get myself in a bunch of crap, but I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon.” A smirk formed on his face, the words coming out more confidently. The guilt was already kicking in, clawing at his chest where his heart was. It would be best if Ian never found out. He wouldn't be able to stand the boy's expression if he found out he had tried to kill himself numerous times. Still what the other boy had said burned into his skull. 'You wouldn't do anything that would take you away from me, right?' It sounded like something his brother would say if he was still alive and could see how much Jasper had fucked up his life. And even if he wasn't alive he could imagine him saying that while in he was dying, asking, 'You're not going to leave me... are you Jasper?'

The hug couldn't come at a worse moment, surprising Jasper and making his muscles tense up. Even though it was a simple gesture, even among friends, Jasper couldn't remember the last time he felt so warm. It wasn't like he exactly had a hundred close friends. The ones he had in London had lost touch with him at least a year ago and it wasn't like his parents came over a lot... The staff tried to be his friend, but he hated how they acted so fake about it. Hugging them would be like hugging cold plastic. There would have never been true emotion behind it. But Ian... when the words he said actually registered he knew it couldn't be more genuine. This wasn't the liquor acting. This was one-hundred percent Ian. Part of him liked the fact the boy was near, wishing he had done more than just simply put his own hand on the other boy's back to show the hug wasn't completely one-sided.

That same side agreed the hug hadn't been long enough. The tingle he was now feeling was weird, yet he liked it. Of course, the denial side tried to tell his brain that these feelings were very bad. 'No, no, no. You can't feel this way Jasper! That's Ian, remember? I-A-N! He's you're friend. F-R-I-E-N-D! See that sweet face? Well if you get any further than that boundary you'll destroy it. Imagine if-' The ranting of that side – which he for the longest time thought was his common sense – was drowned out. He was tired of listening to it. Instead he decided he'd continue cautiously. There was something different about Ian, he'd accept that. Until he figured it out completely and made sure he wouldn't be shot down like a bird, he wouldn't do anything crazy.

“Yeah, I mean it,” he said, as if surprised Ian would ask. “You don't see me doing stuff with other people, do you? And you've known me long enough to know I wouldn't do things that I didn't enjoy.” These lines were his quick way to make-up for how blunt he had been beforehand, trying to pretend like it was no big deal. Nonetheless, he was still somewhat nervous when he realized that Ian's hand was still on his shoulder before feeling it slip a way. It took all his power not to pull it back... “I remember,” he instead replied, frowning slightly at the idea. “It does sound like fun... I just didn't bring my taser and you obviously haven't brought your ferret.” It was a rare joke, but he still mixed some of his usual pessimistic outlook into it. He wasn't that fond of walking around a city he had never been in, in the middle of the night, buzzed, weapon-less, and with a boy who was a pacifist that he felt the odd purpose to protect.

“But I guess I'd rather do that than sit here for the rest of the night.” he added with a shrug, getting up from his chair. If Ian was going to get an 'okay' that was really the best he was going to get. Jasper wasn't fond of the idea, but he'd go along with it. Stretching out his arms for a moment he peered towards the exit, frowning at how crowded it was getting the later it got. He needed a rope to make sure Ian and him didn't get separated. Frowning, he knew what he wanted to do and maybe- Nah. This was all for sticking together purposes. Nothing else.

“Come on, this is going to be a pain to squeeze through,” he said with an irritated groan. Before Ian could complain or react, Jasper took his hand in his. The warm sensation sent a wave through Jasper's arm, making him want to release it at first, but he didn't dare. He knew if he let go he probably wouldn't get the guts to take it again. As they moved through Jasper was sure to take the routes where there were open pockets, not fond of random people rubbing against him. The few drunks that didn't get the idea he was leaving or that he didn't want to be near him got a glare or the occasional 'fuck off', and it was a relief when Jasper finally got out the door. Taking a deep breath of the cold Chicago air he let the smile, that had vanished while trying to weave through, return again. His milky blue eyes went down the street, watching the cars go by, and then to the neon advertisements by some of the shops. He'd never get used to the noise of the city. Even at night it was buzzing with sound.

Turning back to Ian he asked, “Where do you want to start?” For a second he waited before feeling a part of him that had escaped the chill of the night air. His hand. Looking down he released Ian's hand, dropping it to his side as if he suddenly been burned. “Sorry,” he muttered, even if seconds later he wished he hadn't apologized. Already his hand was chilling like the rest of his body. Would he ever stop feeling like a big block of ice?

[IAN ACKART]

Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to

Ian was so glad that Jasper said he didn’t have to worry. Sometimes he worried about Jasper anyway. It was Ian’s natural reaction to Jasper. He would watch Jasper react to other people in person and definitely pay attention to the things said over chat. There were some things that Jasper would say that just made Ian want to lock Jasper in a room and make him talk everything out. But Ian also didn’t want to seem hypocritical. He knew that he didn’t really talk about stuff too, and he couldn’t really corner Jasper without thinking about that. There were things that Jasper didn’t know about him because Ian was too afraid to admit it.

The only reason Steven had been able to extract the information about his parents was because the subject of parents was brought up. But Ian figured Jasper had too much to deal with on his own. He couldn’t expect Jasper to sit there and listen to his problems too. Still, Ian wished he and Jasper could just open up to each other that way. Ian knew that he cared about Jasper. That wasn’t something that he would ever second guess. He had known Jasper for a while and during that time Ian had the opportunity to get to know Jasper and get a little closer to him.

“Good,” Ian said with a smile. “I don’t even want to think about losing you until we’re like old men sitting there arguing over whether the walls are cream, eggshell, or true white.” It was a funny thought. Even then Ian would probably not want to think about losing Jasper. Not only was Jasper his best friends, but he also felt as if there was something a little deeper there. Ian, even though he was probably the weakest person at St. John’s, felt protective of Jasper. The relief was so strong in Ian that he just couldn’t help but hug Jasper. All the thoughts of losing him were being vanquished by Jasper’s promises that he wouldn’t be going anywhere soon. Ian would hold Jasper to that.

He didn’t want to pull away from the hug, but for his sanity Ian thought it would be best to pull away. The more he touched Jasper, even if just a little bit, it would always cause him to think about things more than he should. “Yeah,” He said with a soft laugh, “I definitely know you wouldn’t do anything you didn’t want to do. “ Sometimes Ian envied that part of Jasper. His willingness to get drunk for Jasper showed that he would do something he didn’t want to do or wasn’t sure of if the right person asked. Jasper was one of the few right people out there that Ian would blindly do anything for.

Ian smiled as Jasper’s response to the walk. Jasper had to agree he just had to. Then again… Jasper was right. They had no way of protecting themselves were something to happen. Ian didn’t want to do anything if Jasper didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to force Jasper into anything. But he figured that if Jasper really didn’t want to do it, then he would voice that opinion. Ian bit his lip, hoping that Jasper would agree. He really did want to go on that walk. Sure it was dark, but Ian knew that he would feel safe with Jasper. He always felt safe with Jasper.

When Jasper said that it would be better than sitting in the club, Ian smiled a bright smile. He would have never thought that Jasper would relent like he did, but he was glad that he did. Ian scanned over the crowd, knowing that it would be a pain to walk through, but they would have had to do that later on anyway. It didn’t bother Ian that much, but when he glanced to Jasper he could tell that the boy was slightly annoyed. He hoped it was the crowd and no him that was causing the look on Jasper’s face.

Jasper’s words told him that it was the crowd that caused it. Ian felt an enormous weight lift. Before he knew it Jasper had taken him by the hand and was leading him through the crowd. He gently squeezed Jasper’s hand, not willing to let go of it. As the two of them finally reached the outside, Ian smiled when he noticed Jasper smile. He was always happy to see Jasper smile. Of course Jasper was probably just glad to be out of the club. Ian looked around; wondering where would be the best place to start.

When Jasper let go of his hand Ian looked up to Jasper. He hadn’t even realized that Jasper had still been holding his hand. It wasn’t an undesirable feeling. Obviously Ian liked holding Jasper’s hand. Still, touching Jasper sent his mind into all sorts of directions that he wasn’t sure he could handle too well. “No, it’s okay.” Ian said with a smile. “I kind of like holding your hand.” Ian tilted his head slightly to the side. “But, um, we should probably just walk toward St. John’s tonight. It’s starting to get late. Getting lost in the dark really isn’t safe.”

[JASPER STERLING]

then be happy with the consequence

[/b]
with whatever's gonna happen tonight[/font][/center]

Thinking about what Ian said in the bar, he couldn't help but release a soft laugh. As he looked over Ian's boyish face, he couldn't imagine wrinkles or gray hair. The thought of Ian ever aging didn't seem possible at all. Yes, he accepted that one day he would get old. That's just what happened. That period was so far down the road though he never took the time to think about it. It didn't help that the staff at the institute weren't confident enough in him to think he'd survive past twenty-one. He'd probably find some way to fuck up before he got that far... Pushing aside that ugly thought he stated, “I can't see you as an old man, or arguing with you. You're the paint expert. I'd just give up and agree,” He hadn't argued with Ian in a long time actually. On the chats online they sometimes got into little disagreements, but it was nothing to tear their friendship apart. He remembered the times they left both upset, yet the next time they were on they were both happy again. It was weird for once not holding a grudge and just forgiving and forgetting. Huh. If he thought about it it was far too hard to be mad at Ian.

Mental slap. It was the liquor, it was the liquor, it was the liquor. Turning his eyes a way from Ian an onto the street he began walking the institutes direction, glancing over at the passerbys time to time. Oddly the homeless people or groups of guys laughing and holding beer bottles didn't get the most looks like usual. They got a suspicious glance but his real interest was abnormally focused on the couples. Arms around waists, hands intertwined, sitting on benches, waiting for buses, walking by. He couldn't look anywhere without finding his mind perplexed. Why couldn't he just admit it? He had already gotten rid of the voice telling him he'd hurt Ian or suspicious of himself in some cynically way. Yet he couldn't accept the fact that he could like him. Maybe if he just said it, he wouldn't worry about it. He'd be rejected, but he'd mend to his wounds and move on.

“Ian, I-” he began, blue eyes widening upon realizing he was actually doing it. “um, the lights look nice, don't they?” It was a lame way to make up for his mistake, but it was the first thing he could think of. When did he speak before thinking? Maybe when he was attacking someone verbally or saying something insulting, but no other time had he just said stuff out loud like that. Hearing Ian's own comment about his hand holding, he swung his head towards the boys direction again. He wasn't sure how he was suppose to respond to it. It wasn't like Ian had said it in a flirting way. It was just another normal comment for the boy, truthfully stating how he felt. Jasper felt himself still dissecting it, wondering if there was some cue within those words. All he had to do was think...

His brain suddenly shut off when he felt his forehead collide into something metal and cold with a thud. He wasn't even able to cry out or swear, the whole event completely unexpected. The next thing he knew he was on the ground, slowly rising so he was sitting up and rubbing his forehead. Now swearing he heard a few of the drunk guys he had noticed early laughing idiotically, his pain their pleasure. He hated feeling this vulnerability and it didn't help that he felt like he was going to get a major headache. For a second he tried to remember if he had fell on the ground too because the back of his skull was pounding as well. “Fuck...” he muttered again, glad he didn't feel any warm blood. He felt a tender bruise forming on the spot he had hit, but nothing was cut. That was alright... he guessed. Other than maybe having a concussion, yeah, he was perfectly fine.

When the laughing, that felt like it had been echoing in his head, finally ended he looked around him as everything finally stopped spinning. His blue eyes had become cold after losing a little of his dignity, but when he looked back towards Ian they softened. Well, until he realized how embarrassing that just had been. “The pole came out of no where,” he tried to cover up, raising his hands in the air before giving the lamp post a glare. Trying to be a good sport and just shake it off he tried to get up, but made the mistake of moving his head too quickly. Half way up, he fell back down on his butt on his butt, forehead wrinkling at the sharp pain of his skull. For the first time he really needed those pills he hid under his mattress.

[/size]

[IAN ACKART]

Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to

It was relaxing, walking out there in the city with Jasper. Since the two of them didn't spend much time together as a whole, they had to settle for these short moments they would get. Most of the time they would get to talk in chat, but Jasper always seemed to get tense when some of Ian's other friends would pop in, especially Peter. Ian pretended not to notice that Jasper was so against Peter. But Ian would not stop being friends with someone just because Jasper didn't approve. He didn't see why he shouldn't be open about who he is friends with and who he isn't. Taking in a deep breath of the night air, Ian watched their surroundings. Just because it was Chicago and a pretty big city, they had to be careful about muggers or something like that.

Ian thought mostly on what Jasper had said about not being able to picture him getting old. He realized that Jasper really didn't argue with him like he argued with other people. Sometimes Ian was glad that he didn't... other times Ian wondered if there was a reason for it. He knew that he and Jasper had a stable friendship. It seemed like Ian was the only one that could hold Jasper back from ripping into people like he knew the boy wanted to. Maybe it was irrational of Ian to think that they would make it to old age and still be together. Anything could happen... he knew that from experience. As much as Ian wanted to think that he and Jasper would never have to separate... that was always a possibility.

When Jasper's voice broke into his thoughts, Ian smiled. Fro a second there it sounded like Jasper was about to say something else, but instead of pushing for answers, Ian nodded. "Yeah, definitely. I'd love to paint something like this. You know, dark city street having what life is there illuminated by street lamps..." Already his mind was working, forming the painting in his mind. Not many people would be able to see beauty in a streets and street lamps, but an artist was sort of trained to find beauty in everything, even things that most people wouldn't find beauty in. Sometimes Ian felt like he had done the same when he found Jasper. He had found a boy that not many people would see beauty in, but Ian had been determined to reach in and pull the beauty out of him.

Ian gasped when Jasper ran into the pole. It was something that Ian hadn't been expecting. Almost as soon as Jasper hit the ground Ian knelt down next to him. He didn't know what he should do. Jasper hit his head pretty hard, and Ian definitely wasn't a doctor of any kind. With a worried frown Ian placed a hand on Jasper's back as he sat up. He didn't want Jasper to make any sudden movements just in case there was a concussion. But when Jasper started to stand Ian watched carefully, "Yeah, out of nowhere.... be care--" Before he could finish the sentence Jasper fell back to the ground. Ian hated that he didn't know what to do to help Jasper. He wasn't sure he could support Jasper's body weight all the way back to the school, but he would have to try for Jasper.

Kneeling down next to Jasper once more Ian gently touched the spot on Jasper's forehead that he had hit with his fingertips before threading his fingers through Jasper's hair, finally resting his hand on Jasper's cheek. "I'm gonna try and help you stand. Just... you know... don't move too fast, Jasp." Naturally, Ian kissed it to make it better. Placing a very light kiss to Jasper's forehead, Ian then pulled Jasper's arm around his neck and stood, wrapping his arm around Jasper's waist and holding Jasper's hand with his other hand. "Don't try and tell me you can walk by yourself either. If there's even the slightest possibility you could have a concussion, then you're not walking on your own and you're so not going to sleep tonight."