shattered {peter or damian}

[TAYLOR JAMESON]

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your...

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Sitting by the shore, Taylor watched as the small waves hit the shore quietly, coming in and pulling out in a rhythmic pattern. If only life followed a pattern. Why couldn't it be more predictable and as easy to understand? No one questioned why the waves did what they did. No one told them they shouldn't. They were free to flow on their own, never judged for it or were given a second thought. Biting his lower lip, Taylor picked up a picked up a pebble and threw into the water hearing the plop as it hit the water and watching the ripple. On an overcast day alone by a lake, Taylor definitely wasn't in his typical environment. Everyone would consider he should be at a mall running around, making funny faces in a photo booth, or using a screw driver as he cracked his way into someones room. For once, that hyperness just wasn't there. He felt empty and just didn't have that push to do anything. Oddly, he felt like he just lost his energy like a lightbulb that just burned out.

Pulling his legs in he pressed his head against them, for a second ignoring the sounds of the waves and listening to his own steady heart beat. He wanted something to hold so badly. Everything was twisting and turning so quickly, he just needed something to hold on to so he wasn't blown a way. Damian. Peter. Ashton. Cait. They were all in this whirlwind too and he couldn't reach out to any of them. Every time he wanted to approach Peter, Ashton always seemed to be there. They were not always laughing, but talking and since they tied it together they appeared to enjoy each others company. He was happy for him. He was probably more than happy for Peter after not being in a relationship for such a long time. Yet, was it odd that it hurt to see them too? To feel jealous? Not exactly that he wanted Peter all to himself but... maybe to think he'd never have that. Worse of all, a dark sphere of fear was growing into his heart. He felt himself feeling left behind... again...

He knew Peter would never purposefully abandon him. There friendship couldn't possibly be that fragile... could it? It just seemed that lately they hadn't seen a lot of each other. First there had been him wanting to be alone because of Ashton, but now he was wanting to be alone with Ashton. They had talked online for that little bit and then saw each other at his performance, but... he was just so scared. That foundation he used to stand on that was once a solid rock was turning into sand. He couldn't help but feel himself sinking, deeper and deeper. He even found those looks he got from people getting to him. Before he could say that they were better people in the world, and then if needed he got and see them. With Cait with Malachi, and Peter with Ashton, he was the third wheel. The wheel that could easily fade from their lives without them even realizing it...

Sniffling, Taylor lifted his head as he wiped his nose with his sleeve. Why wasn't he happy? They were his friends, he should be happy they had found someone they cared so much about. As his now dull brown eyes looked at the water, he just couldn't muster that happiness. As much as he tried, he knew he couldn't do it. Maybe it was another fact that felt like it was stabbing him up and down his spine. They didn't trust him. He knew Cait and Peter both didn't like Damian and that hurt. When Peter first was upset about it and then fought with Damian online, those stabs it left behind began to sting and burn. Even now as he thought about, the gashes grew. He hated fighting. He couldn't take it. It even teared at him more that they all assumed Damian was a monster. Every time they called him a murderer or wrinkled their noses at the name 'Damian' he felt his heart crack a little. Typically he would have not cared, but after knowing Damian... he really thought of him as a friend. In a way, he nearly understood why he thought the world was cruel. Because if he put himself in Damian's shoes... he couldn't agree with him more.

Clawing at his jeans, Taylor felt his breathing go uneven. The steady breaths were growing shallow, as he wished more and more everything would work out. He had tried to reassure himself that if he waited things would get better. So far, his wishes weren't being obliged. Damian was pushing him more a way and he had a sickening feeling that his friendship with Peter was deteriorating. He couldn't hold on to anything anymore. No matter what he did, he felt like he was losing everything. Heaving for another breath, Taylor's eyes were beginning to turn pink and he slowly released his hands from his legs. Grabbing another rock, he felt his hand curl around it tightly, the sharp edges biting into his palm. Pushing himself up, he brought back his arm and launched the rock into the sky and across the water, the force applied to his arm making if feel sore. “Why?” he asked after throwing it, at first loud and full a rage he didn't know he possessed. As he watched the stone sink, he himself sunk back to the ground, as he felt a few hot tears run down his cheeks. Whimpering he asked again, “... why?”

{note: really, i dont know where this came from. feel free to throw someone in here brooke, or dont if your too busy. i just needed to get this out.}

[/size]

[DAMIAN RITTER]

And all the broken hearts that hang around here,
All the sick things that make you pull out your hair,
All the bad dreams, all the nightmares,
All the apathy is always sticking it in

Something wasn't right. Damian couldn't figure out why he hadn't been working any harder than he was to push Taylor away. There were so many things that Damian could say in order to get it through the kid's head... make the boy forget him forever. It wasn't that Damian didn't like having Taylor around... it was that he did like having Taylor around. The more comfortable Damian began to feel around Taylor, the more paranoid he was when he was alone. His previous thoughts came back in strong waves. Damian felt like he was broken to the point where he might actually feel sad if Taylor turned out to be like the rest of the world. He had spent so much time thinking Taylor wasn't, but there would always be the little voice in the back of his mind that told him all human beings were the same. It wasn't possible for Taylor to break that mold. Damian was sure that he needed to give the final shove.

These were the things Damian thought as he lay on his bed, staring at his ceiling. He didn't understand why he thought about Taylor when Taylor wasn't present. What was this guy doing to him? Damian was beginning to wonder if Taylor could have been slipping him drugs through those damn cookies. He kept trying to rationalize everything in his head. There were so many reason Damian could think of to not push Taylor all the way away, but there were so many reasons that Damian knew he needed to do it. Ugh. So much mental battle for something that would have been so simple when it was dealing with someone else. Damian grasped the sheets of his bed as he finished off the battle with one last thought. 'He'll bounce back, Damian. Taylor is never upset about anything. Give him the shove, and let him move on.' That was the thought that did it for Damian. He stood from his bed, grabbed his jacket and walked out of his dorm.

Damian had no clue where Taylor could be, but he needed to find out. This didn't need to be something that waited. He stopped a few people and asked where Taylor was. All of them rushed away from him without answering. That was what Damian asked for by being too scary for people to speak to. Damian was used to this treatment and most of the time he didn't mind it because it meant the world was in perfect balance. But no-Taylor had barged his way into his life and upset the balance. Now there was someone that seemed to care and Damian didn't want to believe it. Frustrated, Damian looked everywhere. It was the first time Damian ever had to actually look for his stalker. That, in itself, was not a good thing at all. A number of things ran through his mind... one of which being that Taylor may have finally listened to his friends and decided to stay away. Damian's lip curled at the thought though he couldn't figure out why he was angry... that was what he had planned to do as well.

After checking the last place on campus Damian gave up. Apparently Taylor either really didn't want to be around him or was really good at knowing when Damian was about to do something extremely stupid. He sighed as he decided to go somewhere to clear his mind. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Damian walked away from the campus. Damian had way too much to think about. Most of it was about Taylor and how exactly he was going to push Taylor away. The one way Damian knew to push Taylor away... was to act like the boy had said his father had acted. He wouldn't harm Taylor physically, but verbal abuse was not below his standards. Damian needed to show Taylor the exact reason that it was dangerous for him to associate with him. There didn't seem to be an easier way.

There was a strange feeling building up in the pit of Damian's stomach. What was that? Damian ignored it and continued walking. He decided that the lake would be the best place to go to clear his mind. That was all he needed to do. Damian needed to sit down and clearly think about what it was that he needed to do and how he needed to do it. As Damian approached the lake he froze in the middle of a step. A familiar form came into view that made a tingle travel the length of Damian's spine. Why did Taylor have to be at the lake? Damian bit his lower lip as he walked toward Taylor. What was he supposed to say again? After reaching Taylor, Damian lowered himself to sit next to Taylor. He glanced toward the boy, an unnatural worried expression spreading over his facial features. Since when did Taylor cry?

Damian wasn't good at the sympathy thing. He had never had a reason to give anyone sympathy, yet seeing Taylor crying inspired some sort of feeling Damian didn't even know he had. Hesitantly Damian reached an arm around and placed his hand on Taylor's shoulder, pulling Taylor against him. Damian didn't say anything because he knew if he did, then Taylor would definitely regect his touch. He had stepped out of his comfort zone there. It was never Damian that would initiat hugs... always Taylor. Damian had always reacted coldly toward any kind of warm feeling or touch. He wished that he knew what it was Taylor had done to him... and why it had to be him.

[TAYLOR JAMESON]

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your...

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A shiver went down his spine as a cool breeze was sent across the lake and he felt the harsh contrast of his cold body to his warm face. As he wiped his eyes with the back of a sleeve, he was a little shocked at himself. He knew why he was upset, but... it had just been a long time since he felt so broken. The whole affect of the idea he was crying was minuscule to the other thoughts running through his head, quickly forgetting that being upset was unlike him. What would he do if everything just shattered? Would there be a way to pick up the pieces and paste them back together again? Or would everything be so broken that there wasn't enough glue in the world to save it? Biting his lower lip he was scared thinking of the worse scenario. He had already picked up his belongings and left his hometown. If he couldn't find his place yet again in Chicago, where would he go? A dozen cities popped into his mind, but none of them cheered him up or seemed all that attractive. Deep inside he knew he couldn't leave. Even if Peter never talked to him again or Damian avoided him, it wouldn't be possible to start over again. To uproot himself from a city he loved and a place where he had a roof over his head was irrational. Being miserable with a home was a lot better than being miserable on his own.

As he felt a sudden warmth on his shoulder his body suddenly tensed, taken completely off guard. Even his wild imagination couldn't figure out a way to fill in the blank. As he was pulled closer, his brown eyes stayed surprised the tears momentarily stopping as he tried to figure out what was happening. It took him a moment to realize this was a person, but even longer trying to figure out who it was without looking up at the face. Peter? No, he would have tackled him or said something by now. Steven? No. He probably would have asked him what was up. Not noticing that the person had sat next to him and then the whole silence made labeling this stranger nearly impossible... until he realized something he was familiar with. Silence? He nearly stopped breathing as he looked up to see who it was. Damian? It didn't make sense, yet he knew his eyes weren't lying. This wasn't some kind of trick made by mirrors and lights, Damian was touching him.

A wave of relief went through Taylor suddenly, causing more tears to fall, but for a different reason. Lowering his gaze for a second, he didn't try saying anything as he leaned his head against the other boy. He knew at this time the words that came out of his mouth wouldn't make any sense and he'd probably choke on them if he tried. It was just... he had been so scared he had done something completely wrong. Damian's pushing against him had been growing and he knew he had constantly been pushing the envelope with his own hugging and visits. Taylor refused to act like someone else in order to appease Damian's taste in people, but at the same time he worried being himself is what shattered what they had between them. The other boy couldn't imagine how much Tau;pr had been on his toes in case Damian suddenly wanted to have nothing to do with him. Like online, he was prepared to beg and plead. Something inside him just couldn't bear throwing out their friendship. Later it always made him wonder... why was he so important to him?

After a few minutes he wiped his cheeks again with his sleeve, his eyes still pink but a meager smile was able to form on his face. “Thanks... Damian,” he said softly, sniffling again. It was still so bizarre thinking Damian had given him a hug. It seemed like everyone today was walking into territories they were unfamiliar with. “I... um... just had a lot to think about,” Biting his lip, he wondered if he should tell him. Quickly placing himself in Damian's shoes, he decided otherwise. “My therapist would be having a field day,” he couldn't help but add with a embarrassed chuckle. It was kind of depressing to think that a big step, in his therapists eyes, was to get this kind of reaction from him. With over years of talking about sad subjects, all she'd get was a pout before seeing another silly smile from him.

Was it weird that he that he enjoyed feeling Damian's arm around him? Nah... He enjoyed receiving hugs from Peter and Steven too. This wasn't anything new... was it? Blinking, Taylor was surprised his mind even shifted that way. “What are you doing here?” he asked curiously, his forehead wrinkling. Tye, of course, was familiar with the places that Damian liked the most. It was odd running into him off campus for once. “Not that it isn't a pleasant surprise. I love running into you,” he added on a sweeter note, his smile brightening a degree. He still looked terrible after breaking down, but it was obvious the other boy's appearance was cheering him up. Even if Damian was part of the source of confusion and conflict within him, he always felt better around him. The other boy didn't even have to try.

[DAMIAN RITTER]

And all the broken hearts that hang around here,
All the sick things that make you pull out your hair,
All the bad dreams, all the nightmares,
All the apathy is always sticking it in

Damian didn't want to think that his gesture was more than it was. No- it had to be just a simple gesture to show Taylor that.... that what? That he cared? That wasn't like Damian at all. Damian didn't need to care... that would put him way behind in the game. Then what? Damian didn't want to wait for Taylor to change his mind and suddenly decieve him. That wasn't how Damian wanted his first actual sort-of-freindship to end. His lips firmed as he knew Taylor found out it was him that had sat down next to him. He hoped Taylor wouldn't make a big deal about it. That would ruin the whole thing. Damian could just as easily pull his arm away, tell Taylor what he had been meaning to tell him, and walk away without a regret. But there was a part of Damian that still wished that he didn't have to do that.

It surprised Damian that he didn't want to hurt Taylor. Never had he felt like he didn't want to hurt someone. Damian reasoned in his mind that Taylor was never upset about anything... but that had been destroyed. Seeing as he had his arm wrapped around a crying boy he knew was really Taylor, well, it was obvious that Taylor was just as vulnerable as anyone else and that didn't make Damian feel any better. Damian tensed as he felt Taylor lay his head against him. This couldn't be safe. Damian just knew that he was getting too close. He felt like he was the one kid that would lean over the railing of a boat to get a good look at the propellers, then would slip off and just like that... no more Damian. He didn't want to think of Taylor being the being the propeller that would end up tearing him apart. Then again... Damian felt like that was already happening.

As Taylor spoke, Damian took in what he said, considering every word carefully. Damian didn't say 'your welcome' or 'no problem'. His thoughts were so preoccupied with thinking about what he had originally wanted to do. He did wonder what Taylor mean by 'he had a lot to think about'. Damian didn't want it to be because of him, then again... it wasn't like it mattered. More and more Damian found his thoughts conflicting with and contradicting each other. It was way too confusing. When Taylor mentioned his therapist, a cold stare automatically made it's way onto his face. The look wasn't meant for Taylor, but because Damian knew the sick fuck that was Taylor's therapist wasn't doign his fucking job. It pissed Damian off.

Damian looked down to Taylor, trying to think of any reason other than his original reason to explain his presence. He sighed softly, "I was looking for you. It's not important now." Damian mentally winced at his own words, but decided that it was okay. "Vhy are you crying?" Damian asked suddenly, his german accent thick. "Or do you trust me enough to tell me?" Damain felt himself divided on that question. He wanted Taylor to trust him, but at the same time... he didn't want Taylor to trust him. He released a sigh at his thoughts. They just weren't cooperating.

[TAYLOR JAMESON]

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your...

[/i][/font][/center]

Sniffling he listened to Damian's reply, blinking at his first statement. There was clear surprise in his golden brown eyes from the other boy's answer, never expecting him to be the one looking for him. When did the tables suddenly change? The other boy never looked for him. Lately all he had been was avoiding him. Taylor couldn't imagine any reason why he would. Hopefully it wasn't some type of emergency that Taylor had stupidly distracted Damian from. Opening his mouth to ask why anyway, he shut it as the other boy continued. Suddenly his eyes dropped at the question, feeling conflicted. He knew the reason he cried, it wasn't just wasted tears, but he wasn't sure if he was comfortable telling Damian. For the longest time he tried to convince Damian could never hurt him. And really, Damian hadn't done anything different. It was just so frustrating for Taylor and was just added to the pile of a whole bunch of other shit. He knew if he said he was crying because of the other boy that he'd take it the wrong way and say it only proved his point.

Biting his lip he felt pressure added when he added the next sentence. He did trust Damian. It was amazing how much he trusted him about his past and everything else he so openly said. Yet he knew if he refused to answer, it would look like he didn't trust him. His mind argued with itself over what was the right thing to do. Either way he felt like he'd lose. Either he'd hurt Damian because he pretended like he didn't trust him, or he'd hurt Damian by telling him he 'hurt' him. Taylor as well refused to try picking the lesser of two evils. There was always a third option, there just had to be. Tracing his eyes back up to the other boy's face he debated how he'd say his words. The other boy would dissect it, so he had to be careful.

“I...” he began, pausing at first with a pout, “I was crying because, I don't know... it's silly,” Shrugging he already began feeling weird trying to talk about it. If his brain couldn't exactly understand it, how would he possibly explain it in a few words? “... you know when you're stressed? You kind of just pile stuff on top of each other until there is too much weight you are kind of... I don't know, I guess suffocating?” That's kind of how he felt right now. He was a fish out of a water, flopping on the shore. “I've just felt out of place lately. All the stuff I thought I understood and had a grip on, I really don't have a hold of at all,” His eyes dropped back down to the lake, feeling weak and vulnerable. “I don't see Peter anymore, I haven't seen much of you... I'm scared I'm losing all the people I care about.” His word choice wasn't considered till after he said it, and he winced slightly. He knew Damian was sensitive about the whole 'caring' thing. The hug he so freely threw last time cost him. Verbally saying that was bound to get negative effects.

Deep down, Taylor wished that didn't happen every time he said something like 'care' or showed bits of basic affection towards the other boy. He realized how weird it sounded after saying it, but it wasn't like he was using the love word. Why would he even consider using it? Looking towards Damian, he felt his cheeks suddenly grow warm. He didn't know why he was blushing either, he just... he felt embarrassed for his current state and kind of spilling out his guts like he was. Yeah, that had to be it... It wasn't like he told Peter or any of his friends these things every day. Did that make Damian different? Cursing himself in his mind, he told that the part of his conscious constantly asking questions to shut-up. No, they were friends. Friends, friends, friends, friends! It was hard enough getting to this point. Didn't his heart understand that all the sudden feeling anything more that would ruin everything? Damian would probably run then. He'd completely block him out if he knew...

No. No, why did Taylor have to worry about him knowing? Cause there wasn't anything to know.

Nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

Or was there?

Thank god Damian couldn't hear the thoughts going through his mind. It would be too crazy to follow. “It's probably nothing to cry about, but... like I told you before. I'm so scared of being alone. I don't know what I do if I found myself in that place again,” he said, feeling his eyes beginning to tear up again.

[DAMIAN RITTER]

And all the broken hearts that hang around here,
All the sick things that make you pull out your hair,
All the bad dreams, all the nightmares,
All the apathy is always sticking it in

Damian carefully listened to Taylor try and explain why he was crying. It sounded like there was some part of it that Taylor didn't want him to hear. But that was something Damian could live with. As long as he got the gist of it. He wasn't sure why he had even asked. What Damian should have done was walk the other way as soon as he saw Taylor. His original plan had fallen through and there would be no picking it back up for the time being. As long as Taylor was like this Damian wouldn't pull the plug on the little stalking thing. Even though he didn't want Taylor to get hurt, it appeared that he was already too late. The tears were more than enough to tell Damian that SOMEONE had succeeded in hurting Taylor. He really didn't know what Taylor meant about the piling stuff on.

Not once had Damian been frustrated to the point where he thought he had enough problems to pile up. Damian hated that he couldn't relate to Taylor. It was hard for him to relate to anyone. That was the danger in becoming friends of any kind with Damian. He wasn't hardly capable of caring enough about problems of his or anyone else. Taylor was as close to Damian had come to actually caring and that really scared the shit out of him. When Taylor mentioned Peter Damian's eyes narrowed. He didn't like the boy. Damian wasn't sure what had warranted this dislike, but he had spent most of his time convincing himself that it was because Peter tried to dictate Taylor's life. But that wasn't it. Deep down Damian knew he didn't like Peter because Taylor cared a lot more about Peter. The best friend was bound to get more attention than the stalkee.

But Damian looked down as Taylor also mentioned him. There was a pause long enough for Damian to conclude that he was partly responsible for the tears. Taylor threw him a curve ball, though. The last part about losing people he cared about... Damian wasn't sure if that was something he had heard wrong or what. Damian wasn't good with the caring thing. He didn't know how to handle it. Only two people in the world had ever cared about him and he had let them down. Was Taylor going to become yet another person that he would have to let down? Damian sighed uncomfortable and dropped his arm from around Taylor's shoulders. He didn't make Taylor move his head or anything... he just kind of stared out over the lake. It wasn't a good thing that Taylor even cared about him.

When Damian finally decided to look back at him he noticed that Taylor was blushing. Damian didn't know what to say and he was glad that Taylor continued speaking because Damian didn't want to have to be a jackass right away. "Hey," Damian said finally. "Listen to me." He turned in a position so that he could look at Taylor without having to turn his head or look down. "You will never be alone. Not completely." He looked away for a moment, thinking about how to put it lightly. "Maybe I'm wrong, Taylor, but I believe the reason Peter may be so distant is because I am not his favorite person in the world. You may not think so, but it looks like I am the sole reason you feel alone." Now that was a thought that Damian hated to even think. How could he feel good thinking that?

"If you leave me, then I am sure Peter will welcome you with opened arms." Damian shrugged, "Either way you look at it, Taylor, you have someone willing to be there. You have friends who...care about you. You should only be so lucky."

[TAYLOR JAMESON]

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your...

[/i][/font][/center]

Chocolate eyes traced back to Damian as he began to talk again, letting it all sink it. He felt it hard to swallow, as the accusation the other boy was throwing on the table wasn't one he was fond of. The last thing Taylor wanted to believe was that Peter, his best friend, and Damian, his favorite victim, were clashing like he said they were. In some aspects, he was in denial about it. He tried to ignore the fights he saw them get in with each other online or how Peter always spoke so harshly about Damian. It always upset him when his best friend warned him about the rumored murderer and it annoyed him that Peter was so protective. They were rumors that had no evidence, solely thriving off of Damian appearing mean. The boy couldn't be completely cold though if he was here now, could he? Moving his head off Damian's shoulder he felt his stomach tighten as he said something that he didn't want to here. If he eliminated all contact with Damian, he'd get Peter and his life back. “Do... do you want that?” he asked, letting his eyes lower to the ground to hide the pain within them. He didn't like that option at all. He loved hanging out with Peter, but at the same time he liked the change that Damian had made when he started following him around.

He couldn't explain it... Though he had never been alone before, he thought he could connect with Damian on grounds he couldn't connect with anyone else. Everyone was a little odd at the institute, but he hadn't met anyone till this boy that had been as stigmatized as he had been. Before Peter... he was the exact same way. Happier and sweeter, but bitterly without a place. Taylor didn't know how Damian felt about being alone, appearing anti-social. It crossed the stalker's mind though that no one wanted to be cut off from the world completely, as much as they denied it. Taylor and Damian were outsiders. Outcasts. They were expected never to function well in society, to forever be pushed aside because their personality's swayed to one extreme. To lose someone like Damian now... he wasn't sure if he could stand for it. That's why he was at the lake after all, tears running down his face. He didn't want to lose anything, even if no one else could understand the reason why...

“My life doesn't revolve around what Peter wants,” he said, eyes finally going towards the other boy again. “He's my best friend, and I care about him, but...” His tone was solemn, knowing he had to get his thoughts to the surface about everything. He had been a bystander far too long throughout the two's arguments and he thought he should state his opinion. “... he should accept my choices. I consider what he tells me, but in this case I think he's wrong.” Shaking his head a faint smile appeared on his face when he corrected himself. “No. I know he's wrong,” If his best friend could see the two of them here, he was sure he'd reconsider his stubborn judgment. If Damian was as cruel as Peter wanted him to believe, he would have left him crying. Maybe even laughed at his pain. No 'murderer' would put this much effort into luring a victim. If Damian had even wanted to hurt him, he'd had a thousands other chances beforehand when it had been the two of them alone.

“I don't think I could ever lose Peter, even if I tried,” he said, the smile brightening. “He's been busy lately and maybe has been a bit distance. But he'll always be there,” Eyes developed a seriousness in them that was unlike his playful nature, but he wanted to show he was kidding about his next words. “You though... I wouldn't let some stupid rumors stand in the way,” he said, his tone a little frustrated. “I would never just throw you aside, Damian. Never.” He knew how hard Damian had persuaded him to just go away. Through the online chats with reason and by trying to hurt him, Taylor refused to let him go like that. He was way too stubborn. “I'm stuck to you, pal, whether you like it or not,” he finally joked in his normal tone, sticking out his tongue.

Finally. The old Taylor was back.

[/size][/blockquote]

[DAMIAN RITTER]

And all the broken hearts that hang around here,
All the sick things that make you pull out your hair,
All the bad dreams, all the nightmares,
All the apathy is always sticking it in

Did he want that? Damian wasn't quite sure what he wanted anymore. Taylor was the only person out of everyone he had met in his 19 years on the Earth. He didn't know how to answer Taylor. There was one answer that he knew he should say, but there was one answer that Damian wanted to say. The two were battling inside of him. Damian sighed frustratedly, "I, um, don't make me answer that yet." Damian said, trying to buy himself some time. It killied him a little that he would have to hurt Taylor again. That thought surprised Damian. He hadn't expected to get so attached so fast. It was more than he was used to dealing with. But somehow Taylor had managed to affect him in a way that no one else had and frankly it was a little more than surprising.

Damian couldn't have been more surprised when Taylor said that his life didn't revolve around what Peter wanted. He had always assumed that Taylor cared a lot about what Peter thought. The two seemed to have an undeniable connection... one that he figured Taylor would be better off with. But he listened as Taylor continued. Deep down Damian was glad that Taylor was taking some initiative and breaking away from Peter a little bit. At the same time Damian didn't think that was a good idea. Peter was Taylor's best friend. Damian didn't want to have to be the one that came between Taylor and his friend. But there was a jealous part of Damian that would rather Taylor ditch his friend and consider him over Peter. Which side would prevail... well, that would have to be decided later.

Licking his lips, Damian looked out over the water. Taylor was... he didn't understand what connection the boy had to him. Damian wanted to understand, but it appeared that he would just be digging himself in an even deeper hole than he would really enjoy being in. With a sigh Damian looked back toward Taylor. "You know what I think, Taylor. I don't think it's smart for you to be stuck to me." Damian paused, thinking over what he was about to say. "But... I'm not going to push you away anymore. If you want to, then so be it." For once, and seriously, for once, Damian smiled. "Besides, it seems like it's nearly impossible for me to push you away. It seems like you're stopping me or I'm stopping myself."

[TAYLOR JAMESON]

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your...

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Taylor's heart dropped at the first portion of the boy's reply, a bit disappointed. He knew it wasn't smart. Did Damian remember who he was talking too? He followed people around for a hobby, shoved his nose in their business and lives, and didn't think twice that one day one of them could turn on him. He colored with chalk on streets, he played on playgrounds at night, he started conversations with anyone he saw, he trusted everyone with his whole heart, he gave random hugs to people he saw on the grounds, he invited people to his dorm he didn't even know... The list goes on and on. The problem was Taylor didn't care about his safety. Life was too short to constantly be looking over his shoulder and wondering if the risk he took would cost him something. The words 'what if' weren't even in Taylor's vocabulary, acknowledging he'd never know until he tried. Being smart, being logical... in Taylor's opinion it was the same thing as being stupid. Smart people had to plan things out, look over the consequences, and brainstorm ever single outcome. By the time they did figure out what they wanted to do the chance would have disappeared. Taylor was determined never to watch a chance slip a way like that.

The arguments Taylor was forming in his mind in retaliation of his comment was broken off as Damian continued. It took a second for the dark haired boy to switch gears and realize that Damian wouldn't try fighting him again like he had so many times before. According to his statement, he would never try again. That by itself surprised Taylor a small amount, yet the smile spreading across his features showed he appreciated the answer. More than appreciated... Taylor wrapped his arms around the boy again, hugging him with an unmeasurable amount of happiness. “Thank you, Damian,” were the only words he could manage to think of. The boy might think it was no big deal, or that he was possibly overreacting, but Taylor felt like the other boy had given him the world. He still couldn't grasp why it was so important for him to have Damian accept his friendship, but he cared nonetheless. Hugging the other boy was nice too. Even though he rarely to never hugged back, he favored the fact that the other boy didn't pull away from him or look at him like he was a creep. Though Damian had never openly admitted it, Taylor had a feeling he secretly enjoyed his his hugs to an extent.

Realizing Damian was smiling as well, was another thing that somewhat stunned him. He wasn't used to seeing the boy smile if it wasn't out of amusement at Taylor's expense or completely fake. Taylor realized it was a nice smile. Not obnoxiously large or small, kind of cute in a way... His smile only grew and he couldn't help but slip, “You always have a way of making me feel better,” Anyone else wouldn't connect being cheered up to negative Damian, but that's how Taylor felt. Whenever he was around the other boy he always felt an extra burst of energy and was set in a better mood even after a bad day. Damian didn't necessarily have to be talking to him, simply being in his company was all Taylor needed to be satisfied. It was also nice to have someone that just listened. Occasionally the other boy would state his opinion, yet it was obvious that Damian let him decide for himself at the end. He had needed someone like that in his life. An odd question formed in Tye's mind but he was careful not to release it. He just wondered where he'd be now if Damian had never came to the institute. It didn't take long for the boy to decide he didn't want to imagine it...