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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 11, 2009 16:21:29 GMT -5
What was Peter thinking? Wasn't it too soon to be hanging out with Ashton again? Peter reasoned in the back of his mind that he was doing it for Hobo and not because he really wanted to see Ashton too. That would be rediculous. After all, they had only just started talking again the night before. One of Peter's main faults was that he tended to forgive too easily. He had been thinking about what he had talked about with Ashton. Peter wished that he could go back and not say half the things he said. It had surprised him that he had been so open with Ashton about his parents. At least no names had been mentioned. The last thing Peter wanted was for people to get curious about finding out who his parents were or something like that. It was the same reason as when Peter talked about Alex he never gave a last name. But Peter had to live with the fact that he and Ashton were more alike than he would have ever even thought.
Peter decided that he would dress in something a little more dressy than a t-shirt and hoodie. He settled for a button-up that he had almost forgotten he owned and a pair of dark blue jeans. Before getting completely ready to leave Peter slipped into the bathroom, staring at his reflection. There was a slight shadow of fashial hair where Peter had abandoned the razor for a couple of days. He didn't mind because he didn't look bad with stubble. But he would end up shaving before it got to beard status. Peter took a moment to brush his teeth and deoderize before he closed up the bathroom and headed out the door of his dorm. Why did he need to look and smell good? It was just Ashton... his friend. He wouldn't let himself think of it otherwise. As his door closed behind him, Peter leaned against it, closing his eyes.
Ashton didn't want anything beyond friendship and that had been made perfectly clear. Peter just didn't know if he would be able to tone down his feelings for mere friendship. Of course, if he at least wanted Ashton and Hobo to both stay in his life, then he would have to compromise. Compromise wouldn't be that bad, he was sure of it. Finally opening his eyes, Peter began to walk toward Ashton's room. He could be around Ashton and just be friends... shouldn't be too hard... or would it be? Staring at the number on Ashton's door, Peter debated different ways he could try and calm himself down. Mostly it helped him to think that it was what Ashton wanted. He felt like he could do it if that were his motivation. Just friends... right...
With that Peter knocked on the door. Peter hoped it wouldn't be weird hanging out with Ashton after all of that. He didn't think it would be all that weird. All he would have to do is keep up conversation and maintain a no touching rule for himself. Linking his hands behind his back, waiting for Ashton to open the door patiently, Peter wished that he was holding Ashton's hand instead of his own. He sighed at the thought, pushing a hand through his dark hair. 'No, Peter,' He chided himself, 'Can't be thinking like that. You shouldn't have those kinds of feelings for him. That's beyond friendship. Not smart, Petey, not smart at all.' The inner chanting didn't help much, but it helped enough to where Peter released his hand and let his hands fall at his sides. He really needed Ashton to open the door and distract his wondering thoughts.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 11, 2009 17:03:19 GMT -5
Ashton turned in his chair his eyes falling over his room. "Its a mess... he muttered. In truth it wasnt, the only thing messy was his bed and a couple pieces of clothes on the floor. He stood up and picked up the clothes, folding them and setting them into his dirty laundry basket. He picked up the stray toys that hobo and luna had over the place and placed them in their 'area' that he had made where all their stuff would go.
Lastly he moved over to his bed and made it, making sure it was straight across and the top was folded back before he placed his pillows down on the edge of the fold before pulling it back up over the pillows. Smoothing out the wrinkles in his comforter he stepped back satisfied now. Ashton suddenly and realized he let his ocd take over again and he hadnt even made sure that he looked okay. Looking down at his outfit he grumbled something to himself before going over to his closet to pull out a different shirt. He figured his pants were fine but he had spilled something on the one he was currently wearing earlier. "no.. no no... no.' he shook his head muttering to himself.
He bit his lip looking between the shirt in his hand and a couple others. Which one .... Whoa.. whoa.. what the hell. Dude.. you're going for a walk..' he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. Why did he always freak out about the stupidest things whenever it came to Peter. Clothes were clothes seriously, its nothing. He didnt even look as he grabbed the first shirt and pulled the other one off, replacing it with the one he had grabbed.
He wore gray slacks and the shirt he had picked was a button down off white with dark stripes down it and a charcoal vest left unbuttoned. He pulled his cabby hat on and decided that he was done with that. It didnt matter, it was just clothes.
Ashton felt something rub against his legs and he looked down a smalll grin coming to his lips as he saw luna rub her head against his leg, followed by her body, her tail curling around his calf. "Hey muna muna pretty luna" he knelt down to run his hand over her soft fur, feeling her purr reverberate through her body and against his hand. She gave a small meow and Hobo gave a low bark since he barely opened his mouth for it. Ashton laughed lightly and straightened up, walking over to Hobo.
"Guess whos coming...?' Hobo merely cocked his head slightly and then rolled over onto his belly his tongue falling out the side when Ashton started rubbing his belly.
"SUch a big puppy belly. Well we're going for a walk and im not telling you who. Its a surprise. But Ill give you a hint.. its someone you keep giving me those big sad eyes about. And oddly you kind of share that same look at times...'
It was then that he heard the knock on the door. Hobos ears twitched and he rolled back over his head raised in alert. "Hes here...' his voice was quieter. Ashton didnt move though. He heard the knock again and he blinked shaking his head as he stood up, his tongue darting out to wet his lips quickly.
WHy couldnt he get his feet to move? Pete was finally talking to him, which he seriously still didnt know why hed pushed so much. Nor could he fathom why he had missed it so much. He was ruining the wedge hed created. Friends. That was a good enough wedge. Friends was safe. Friends ... friends.. its what he wanted. Yeah ... as long as he kept telling himself that he could make himself believe thats all he really wanted. At least he hoped so.
Taking a deep breath he finally managed to get his feet moving and he moved to the door his hand seemed to move in slow motion as it reached out to take hold of the handle and turn it. Hobo was already at his feet his nose practically the thing nudging the door open hurriedly.
"Calm down hobes. he frowned his eyes having fallen to Hobo as he looked down at him, but hobo ignored him and Ashton lifted his head now that the door was open and he could now see Peter.
"Hey..' he said glad his voice sounded normal. "just um.. i have to get the leash..' he jerked his head backwards motioning towards where the leash was. He left the door open as he turned and made his way over, grabbing the leash while Hobo attacked Peters legs, making a happy whining noise wanting all his attention.
Ashton laughed lightly. "Told you he missed you.' he said as he grabbed the leash and came back over to him. "Sorry..' he gave a small shrug at Hobos behavior.'
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 11, 2009 17:49:27 GMT -5
When the door swung open Peter smiled at Ashton. "Hey..." He replied in his normal tone. Peter had to keep himself together. He nodded when Ashton said he needed to get the leash. Peter laughed as Hobo practically attacked his legs. He reached down and picked the puppy up, cradling Hobo against his chest. "HOBO!" Peter exclaimed excited, nuzzling his nose against Hobo's neck. "I missed you, baby boy!" He pet Hobo as a huge smile spread over his lips. The Peter smile was back. Peter managed to land a kiss on the top of Hobo's head before the puppy began to lick his face. "Mm, Hobo kisses are the best." He laughed as he put Hobo back on the ground. Hobo looked up to him as if to say there was no way Peter would get away with leaving him on the ground.
Peter raised an eyebrow, looking down to Hobo, "Nuh, don't you give me that look, HoBaby." He laughed, "It's called dog walking for a reason." Eh- Peter would just make up for it with a Hobo/Peter snuggle fest later on. He was sure Hobo would understand. Peter glanced back up as Ashton walked back out. "Mm, I missed him a lot." Peter grinned, "I kind of babied him if you can't tell. Turned the little guy into more of an attention whore than he already was." Hobo was like Peter's child that he could spoil and baby twenty four seven. Peter reached down, picking Hobo back up. Taking the end of the leash he latched it to Hobo's collar and set the puppy back down. Peter rolled his eyes when Hobo protested being put on the floor.
Before Hobo ended up staying with Ashton for a while, Peter would lay on his bed and Hobo would come and curl up right there on his chest to sleep. He liked having Hobo that close. It made him feel protected and a little more secure to know that one of his best friends was right there. Peter had no doubt that if someone tried to hurt either him or Ashton, then Hobo would probably get pretty defensive. He moved his gaze from Hobo to Ashton, tilting his head slightly, "You ready to get going or is there something else you need to grab first?" He didn't want to start walking before Ashton was ready. Besides, Ashton was the one holding the leash. Peter wished there weren't any leash laws. He didn't like making Hobo feel so restrianed, but it was necessary so he didn't complain.
Peter was surprised at just how easy it had been so far to go with the 'just friends' routine. Sure, everytime he looked at Ashton he felt his will power crumble a little bit under the pressure... but for the most part Peter felt like he could keep himself together and stable. Once again Peter was back to trying to convince himself that he was there for Hobo. Just Hobo. Peter had to glanced back down to Hobo. It was too hard to fully look at Ashton without second guessing the meaning behind each facial expression or dissecting each spoken word. Peter would have to learn how to stop all that. He didn't want to lose Ashton... and it seemed like the only way he could keep him was to pretend that he wasn't attracted to Ashton anymore.
...It was bound to be a long walk.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 11, 2009 18:30:46 GMT -5
Was it strange to actually feel elated at the sound of Peters happiness as he talked to Hobo, picking him up and cuddling him. Ashton looked over as Hobo started his lick fest on Peters face. Ashton opened his mouth to make a comment to Peters about Hobo kisses being the best, but managed to stop himself before it slipped out. He closed his mouth quickly and turned his face away, his eyes finding luna looking boredly on at the other two as she cleaned her paw.
He had just gotten Peter agree to see him on a friends basis that it probably wouldnt be good to be making comments about them kissing already. Though now that thought was in his head, as if he hadnt had it there already before, but now it was and now he could physically see Peters lush lips. Ashton bit his bottom lip to draw his attention away from his wayward thoughts.
Ashtons attention was brought back to the pair as PEter tried to ignore the look Hobo was giving him. Hobo obviously didnt want to be on the ground when peter was standing right there. Ashton laughed lightly. "mm... ya. You kind of made him into a snuggle whore. Its nearly suffocating at night when They are both trying to get as close to me as possible. They dont even seem put off when i move a thousand times at night." he shrugged.
He stood there kind of stupidly just watching the two as he tried to fight off the sudden thoughts and comments that kept plaguing his mind. Ashton frowned slightly as Peters attention was mostly on Hobo. He wanted to be a dog if it was going to get Peters attention.
Ashton blinked and his hands jerked a bit. What the hell? Was he seriously jealous of Hobo? Ashton resisted to cross his arms and pout like he nearly was about to. He had to stop thinking like this. His mind was seriously giving him a headache. It was wreaking havoc with himself. First it was blowing hot then it was blowing cold and at the same time there was a third party going on demolition the other two. He couldnt win no matter what he did.
He gave in, that didnt work. He pushed away, that didnt work. He compromised... now this wasnt working. His jaw tightened as he clenched his teeth together. It was going to work. He was going to make it work. He couldnt stand this back and forth and all around shit going on in his head. He was going to go insane.
Ashton was pulled out of his thoughts by Peters voice and he shot his eyes up to him, looking confused for a moment before shaking his head and then nodding it. "Uh yea.. yeah..' he licked his lips and looked back making sure Luna was still on the bed before closing the door completely and locking it. "lets go..' he said keeping his eyes from Peter and instead downcast. Come on hobes...' he didnt have to tell hobo twice as the small dog moved along side of them, every once and awhile wrapping himself around peter or Ashton.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 11, 2009 21:16:02 GMT -5
Peter laughed, "Yeah, Hobes kind of takes after me with the snuggle whore thing. But he's probably used to me waking up a million times during the night." Peter had a bad habit of waking up randomly during the night whether it be from nightmares or just not being able to sleep. At one point the medical advisors for the insitution had been worried that Peter had a sleep disorder. Of course Peter didn't have a disorder... just plagued by memories that wouldn't leave him alone. There were a number of different nightmares, but there was one that was reocurring.
The reocurring dream would always begin with Peter lying on his bed next to Alex, their fingers laced, resting between the two of them. Alex would always look at him and smile that incredibly disarming smile of his and say, "Peter, there's something I need to tell you..." But before Alex could say anything to Peter he faded away and the door flew open to reveal Peter's father charging at him in a blind rage. After trying to get away his father would catch up to him, grab his by the neck, and shove him against the wall. The dream would end with Peter feeling something hard and metal plunge into his side. He would always wake up in cold sweats and breathing harder. Peter always knew his father would really kill him for dating a boy.
Shoving thoughts of the dream back out of his mind, Peter looked ahead with a smile as Ashton shut the door to his room and locked up. As he walked along side Ashton he felt the back of his hand brush against the back of Ashton's hand. Peter had to ignore the tingling sensation he felt in his hand. It was hard. Any other friend and he probably would have already been holding their hand. But this was different... Peter had never slept with any of his other friends. He wanted so badly to reach over and thread his fingers through Ashton's. The moment Peter caught himself glancing down at Ashton's hand, he firmed his lips and continued to look striaght ahead.
Peter held the door open for Hobo and Ashton, then let it close once the two had made it out of the building. The lake wouldn't be too far away. Then they could just chill out and relax around the water and maybe even let hobo play in it if he wanted. He knew already that the lake was safe for dogs. Peter rememebered there being a part of the lake area that not many people went to... he could show them that place. It would be a little more private. Wait, why would they need privacy? Peter drew in a shallow breath, trying to keep his thoughts straight. No- they didn't need privacy at all. No need for privacy. Being alone with Ashton wouldn't be a good thing. Peter needed the possibility of being seen. At least that would keep him in check for the most part.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 11, 2009 21:53:24 GMT -5
"hm...' ashton just nodded as he watched the floor beneath is feet. AS they walked he felt the slight brush of Peters hand against the back of his and it took him all he had not to pull his hand away as if hed burned it. His hand felt that way for sure, it still tingled where theyd touched. His teeth sunk into his lip again and he could taste the tinny taste of blood on his tongue. This was just ridiculous. Ashton rolled his eyes, if he had a nickle for every time hed said that since meeting Peter and for as many times a she was sure it was going to come up he knew hed probably be a millionaire in no time.
Ashton walked through the door giving a small thanks to peter as he held it open for him and hobo who continued to randomly give a happy little bark.
Ashton remained silent for a long while as they walked, Hobo seemed to take interest in everything around them, stopping to sniff anything he could and he would have stayed an eternity at each one if Ashton hadnt tugged lightly at the leash prodding him to move on. "Theres plenty more where that came from hobo...' he mused. Hobo acted as if he had never been outside.
Maybe Hobo just felt like everything was new and different now that Peter was around. Sometimes Ashton knew how that felt. Okay more then sometimes, but again that was one of those buried feelings that kept getting thrown around between the three emotion fielders.
"Im not sure we're ever going to get there...' he smirked over at Peter, looking over at him for a brief few seconds before he put it back on the walk before them or on Hobo. He fell back in silence again and it didnt take long before they were near the lake. He kind of hoped no one was around. He was telling himself that it wasnt because he wanted to be alone with Peter, but because he never liked it when people were places he was. It was true he didnt, but that honestly wasnt the thought he was thinking of at this particular time.
"Its nice here...' he said looking around. THeyd passed a guy and girl jogging, but so far he hadnt seen anyone else. Maybe hed be lucky.
How about here?" AShton asked looking around the area. He didnt know of many places around there. He usually just found a tree and a bench and then play with hobo there fore a little bit, or sit if he didnt have hobo. The area was nice. mm... then again I kind.. of wanted to let hobo off the leash. Dont think anyone'll come over and comlain or none of those police park patrolers will catch us?" he asked looking at Peter for his thoughts. IF he knew of a better place then he was game. He didnt want to have Hobo confined to the leash. He always stayed around him and he listened when he ventured too far so Ashton wasnt worried of her running off or getting lost. He just didnt want a ticket or anything.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 11, 2009 22:24:48 GMT -5
The overall walk was so quiet. There was a comment or so from Ashton about Hobo taking forever to walk somewhere, but Peter was so used to Hobo's sniffing habits. He didn't know what to say to Ashton. Sure he could have made small talk, but that wouldn't do him any good. Peter felt like rambling about the weather would be more of a waste of Ashton's time. He didn't want Ashton to regret walking with him. There was still so much for him to think about. Peter wanted to clear the air with some of these things, but most of them had been taken care of the night before when he and Ashton had sort of gotten into an arguement... if it could even be called that. Peter couldn't wrap his mind around why Ashton would call him out for ignoring him, but also say that he had been trying to save Peter by saying what he had said before. It was so back and forth. Peter didn't know which to think about more.
When they reached the lake Peter was glad there wasn't so many people, but at the same time he wasn't so glad. "Yeah..." Peter said calmly, "This is one of the few places Chicago tries to keep clean." He didn't like that most of the city was dirty and grungy looking, but he did enjoy the parks and lakes because they were always beautiful and peaceful. Peter glanced around the area, thinking about whether or not it would be safe to let Hobo off the leash there already. He bit his lip, shoving memories out. The bad part about having previously lived in Chicago was that Peter constantly ran into memories. It was one of the main reasons he didn't go off campus much. But lately Peter had been forcing himself to leave the campus a little more and take a few risks.
As soon as Ashton mentioned police Peter froze. He knew, then, that they would need to go to his secret spot rather than stay out in the open. Peter turned and looked at Ashton, his eyes laced with fear, "Um, no, we, uh... we shouldn't let him off here. It might, um, get a lot more crowded later. Wouldn't want people crowding him..." Excuses. Peter didn't want to risk his dad being the one officer to take a trip down to the lake. That would be a bad thing for sure. He could just imagine all the things his father could think to do with a dog and that thought made Peter want to cry. But he sucked it up, not wanting to completely let his fears go in front of Ashton. That would be another bad idea. Besides... it wasn't like there was anything Ashton could do about them.
"Come with me." Peter said briskly as he grabbed Ashton's hand and practically pulled him along. Peter was so proccupied with just getting to his spot, that he didn't consider the fact that he was holding Ashton's hand. "It's right over here..." Peter said as he walked. "A little mroe hidden, and um... more room for Hobo to run around. It would be safer for him." His mind was racing around the fear that filled him. It all went back to the very thing he had admitted to Ashton... he still wore long sleeves when he did something that his father wouldn't approve of. This was one of those things and Peter did happen to be wearing a long sleeve shirt. The more Peter focused on his fear the more real it became to him. Even his arms began to hurt a little bit from the thought.
Peter finally stopped and drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting go of Ashton's hand. He was sure that no one would be able to disturb them there. It was a spot that Peter knew the police didn't check much and people wouldn't jog there because the path was on the other side where they had just come from. It was perfect of them... no- for Hobo.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 11, 2009 23:27:38 GMT -5
Ashton looked around and nodded. H e had to be grateful that chicago actually did something right. He could have easily pitured the place littered with trash and the waters filled with it as well. Thankfully it wasnt and even the air felt like it was cleaner here. Granted that probably wasnt possible since the are shared space with air from all over.
Hobo had found a particular smell and was even pawing at the spot trying to get to the bottom of it. Ashton looked at Peter when he had and there was no mistaking the fear in his eyes as he answered Ashton. He blinked it wasnt just the look in his eyes but the way his voice sounded. He nodded slowly not really believing that, thats what it was about. He was about to ask when Pete grabbed his hand, telling him to come with him as he then proceeded to pull him the way he wanted them to go.
Ashton swallowed hard at the heat his hand was creating. Even in a moment like this ashton felt some kind of electricity there. He pushed it aside as he followed Peter. No was not time to dwell on that. The look in Petes eyes was a lot more important then something as little as holding hands.
Once they had reached their destination it was a lot bigger and closed off. "Hey.. this is... he couldnt continue as Peters hand had dropped his and he instantly missed the contact, wanting to take his hand back again. "Its nice.. it'll work.. ' he studied Pete again. His lips pursed a bit before turning away and bending down unclasping the hook of Hobos leash. "Now be have..' he gave him as he ran his hand down the dogs back while the dog sniffed away from him. He sighed and straightened back up his attention instantly back on Peter.
Peter had his eyes closed. Ashton took a step so he was right in front of him, watching him. He moved his hand forward knocking the back of his hand against Peters. "Pete...' he said. 'Pete what happened?' he asked.
Ashton hadnt put two and two together yet. It wasnt that Ashton had forgotten Pete had once mentioned his father was a policeman, but just that it had been so long ago and the comment about them fining them had been in a different text. It just didnt strike him that that would mean something different for Peter. All he could remember was the look in peters eyes, laced with undeniable fear. Peter couldnt possibly be that scared of a ticket or warning. No this was something entirely different.
"We're okay now. This place is... we're okay.' he tried to assure him but he seriously sucked at this stuff. He had never claimed to be good with helping people deal with their emotions or even expressing his own, even supportive ones. He knew Peter would know... well at least he hoped. It wasnt that hard to figure out he didnt think so.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 12, 2009 0:23:09 GMT -5
Peter had the overwhelming urge to continually look over his shoulder to make sure the coat was clear. He wanted to be sure that they were completely safe. The kind of fear Peter had of his father was greater than any fear he ever had. As much as Peter like to think that he would be able to find the courage to stand up to his father the next to him saw him... when the thought became real to him, well, Peter mentally chickened out. He didn't know if he would ever be able to reclaim that part of his life. Obviously a part of Peter had been damaged severly if one word was able to cause a complete panic slash meltdown. He knew, as he had his eyes closed, that Ashton was probably confused about what had just happened. Peter wasn't even sure he could give answers... that was the sad part to Peter.
When Peter felt Ashton's hand against the back of his, Peter opened his eyes. Some traces of panic were still left in them, but for the most part they had returned to normal. "I'm sorry..." Peter said, his voice a little shakey. "I'm just... it was stupid of me to freak out." He shook his head, lowering his gaze to the grass, "Just... if an officer did happen to wander down to the lake... I wouldn't want it to be my dad." He rubbed his arms, not even realizing that he was doing it. Peter nodded when Ashton said it was okay... that they were safe there. He was sure they had to be. It was one of the places Peter would go to when he wasn't allowed to go to school, but had to be out of the house anyway. Ever since he had first found it the place had screamed safety to him.
Peter watched Hobo sniff around the area. "God, I'm such a spaz." He groaned as he sat in the grass and lay back, staring at the cloudy Chicago sky. Peter had thought that by this time he would be able to think about his past without it hurting so much, but it only seemed to hurt more as time went on. Peter didn't want to unload all of that on Ashton. From the conversation they had in the chat thing... Ashton had his own shit to be worried about. He didn't want to be the person to pile more onto Ashton. That wasn't what as friend was supposed to do and that was what Peter was supposed to try and be to Ashton... a friend... that was it. Peter didn't want his friend to have to deal with any of that past shit.
Peter looked up to Ashton, trying to smile. He patted the spot on the grass next to him, meaning for Ashton to join him on the ground. Hobo seemed to take advantage of peter being on the ground and ran toward him at full speed, jumping on his chest. Peter grunted softly and smiled as Hobo licked his face. "I love you too, Hobes, now go play." He said to the puppy, pushing him off. Hobo seemed to get the picture as he barked happily and went off to do something else. Obviously Peter was no fun when he wouldn't play back.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 12, 2009 0:49:38 GMT -5
Ashton wasnt really expecting Peter to tell him what was going on. Sure they'd had some kind of.. 'confession' time over the chat the night before. Ashton still wasnt sure if that had been a smart thing or not, but it seemed he hadnt been able to stop. Hed never told anyone most of that. He could tell people his mom had been religious and left on a mission, but everything else. Peter was the only one.
Ashton frowned slightly as he apologized saying it was stupid of him to freak out. He then mentioned the officer maybe being his dad and it clicked. Ashton closed his eyes a moment berating himself for being an idiot and not remembering that. "hmmm...' he nodded and opened his eyes again. 'mmm...' he brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck, his eyes had dropped to the ground now, looking between their feet and the ground. "right... Your dad..' his lips thinned at the thought of that man.
Ashton still wasnt certain if his dad was tied to the murder at the school, though it would make sense as he recalled some of the things Taylor had said. He wasnt going to jump the gun, though he knew he had already decided. Besides the mother fucking bastard had beat up on his own son like Peter had been some personal punching bag he was able to do as he wished to. Any kind of monster that can do that could very well be capable of killing a kid.
Ashton thought briefly of holding a seance or something. The only problem was, Ashton hated ghosts and that was like some claustrophobic person locking themselves in a small room that barely fits one person it it. No... that wouldnt be good. Then again if it was able to get the truth they could do something about it. Of course who would believe them over a police officer.
Once again Peters voice took him out of his thoughts and Ashton found that peter was no longer in front of him but had sat down on the grass, laying down now. He wondered what the hell was going through his head. What he was seeing. He tilted his head backwards and looked up in to the sky. He squinted a bit using his hand over his eyes for a shield before dropping them back down to Peter blinking away the brightness of the sky.
Peter was looking at him now, giving him an attempt at a smile. Ashton didnt return it merely shrugged and sat down next to him. He laughed lightly as Hobo seemed to take Peters position to his advantage and tackled him. He made a small 'aww' sound when PEte told him to go play. "He missed you. He wanted to play with you..' he teased lightly even though Hobo had seemed okay with playing with himself and was off again exploring.
Ashton sat indian style, plucking at the grass his eyes fixed on what his hands were doing. He picked some more pieces and twirled them between his fingers making them twist together. "you know...' he started, his voice barely audible. He cleared his throat some picking at more pieces. 'I um.. yeah... ' he used his thumb to press the grass into the mud before slapping his fist over it a couple times as well. "Just... I like.. I wont let .. anything.. happen to you.' he said and cleared his throat instantly coughing slightly. God he sounded pathetic. How did people do this shit?
Ashton refused to look away from what he was doing, picking at the grass and twisting it together still.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 12, 2009 6:50:23 GMT -5
Peter didn't exect Ashton to remember everything he told him. That would be irrational. There were just some things that people didn't need to worry about. It was Peter's personal demon and he would deal with it...with time. When Ashton didn't return his smile Peter naturally started to worry that he had ruined the moment. He was in the process of wondering what moment when Hobo had attacked. Peter wrinkled his nose, but when he heard Ashton laugh he couldn't figure out if Hobo had attacked because he felt playful or if he knew one or both of them were unhappy. There was no telling about Hobo. Sometimes Peter wondered if the little guy did have a sixth sense for that kind of thing. Peter rolled his eyes with a small smile, "Puhlease, he knows he has me wrapped around his little paw."
There was a small silence between himself and Ashton. Peter wasn't sure if it was good silence or bad silence. It didn't feel bad, but Peter had experiences that told him some silences that felt good were really REALLY bad. Just thinking about how bad the silence could be made Peter want to break it just so the silence was no more, but Ashton beat him to it. Ashton's sentence was really broken up, but somehow Peter had managed to piece together was he was saying. Somehow Peter didn't think Ashton knew how much that really meant to Peter. He had people say that they would always be there for him and stuff like that, but no one had ever promised protection. It was relieving, even if he didn't expect Ashton to keep up with it.
Peter sat up, turning back to look at Ashon. He wasn't sure about what to say because thank you wasn't enough and there were no other words that could really express how grateful he was for those words. Peter did something that he had tried not to do to Ashton because he was sure that Ashton would freak out on him with the physical contact thing. But he had always done this with his other friends and Ashton was supposed to be a friend, which to Peter, automatically meant that it was okay. Maybe Ashton just didn't realize how close Peter was to his friends. He bit his lower lip before practically tackling Ashton with a hug. There was a chance that Peter had just made Ashton completely uncomfortable, but that was something Peter was willing to deal with.
If Ashton wanted him off, then the boy could tell him to get off and he would. Peter's arms had wrapped securely around Ashton's waist. That was one of the few parts he changed up. With his friends Peter would usually wrap his arms around their neck. Peter squeezed slightly. There was a reason Taylor often referred to Peter as 'cuddle bear'. He was a pretty soft, cuddly kind of guy. But Peter hoped that Ashton would focus on the cuddley factor and not push him away. Peter just needed him to be there. It wasn't like Ashton had to do anything... he didn't even have to hug back... just be there...
Was that so much to ask out of a friendship? Well, that was the thing. Peter wanted to ask for more, but he was afraid of Ashton shooting down the idea. He closed his eyes, holding the hug in full force. But while he hugged Ashton, Peter also realized that this didn't look so good for their just friends arrangement. It wouldn't be fair for Peter to do that. Ashton had said he didn't like the physical thing and Peter needed to respect that. He released the hug and pulled away from Ashton, bringing in his legs so that he could sit cross-legged. Peter stared out over the waters of the lake. "Sorry," He said before looking back to Ashton, "Got a little carried away."
Peter smiled, "I'd do the same for you, you know..." He paused, looking away, "With the, uh, not letting anything happen to you." Mutual protection... that would be about as far as he would ever get. Peter was sure of that.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 12, 2009 17:11:31 GMT -5
"mm... Im pretty sure he knows. He knows more then we think.' he was also a victim of Hobo. He kept trying to make himself be an owner, not owned, but it was so difficult when Hobo flashed those puppy eyes at him. He instantly felt bad for denying Hobo anything and really Peter didnt help since it seemed that he was just as bad. Well at least hobo wasnt haughty from being spoiled. He was very lovable and he knew anyone he came in contact would have the same fate as pete and himself.
As they had fallen into silence and it followed again after Ashtons broken sentance, Ashton chewed his lip more not sure if he should chance a look or not. He was so quiet over there and Ashton though maybe hed said the wrong thing. Really how wrong could that be? Maybe he was offended by it, or maybe he just didnt want that. He was suppose to be friends, didnt friends do that kind of crap. Seriously why was Peter being so damn quiet.
Ashton looked up then and found him looking at him and Ashton really could not tell what was going on, if he planned on telling him this was all a big mistake and then walk off, or if he was going to tell him to fuck off. Maybe not in those exact words, though he wouldnt put anyone past something like that not even Peter. People could seriously surprise you and he was still waiting for Peter to show something like that. THat saying 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'. Yeah... pretty much.
It felt like forever, even though Ashton was sure it was merely a few seconds. His eyes drawn to where Peter was biting his own. Ashton was about to just say fuck it, mentally of course, and move away. Though he didnt get a chance as Pete was now practically tackling him, his arms around Peters waist. Ashton let out a surprised, slightly alarmed sound his body stiffening instantly. He swallowed blinking trying to calm his racing heart. Really that shouldnt have freaked him out but hed taken him off guard.
Ashton felt like an idiot, he mentally berated himself making his body relax quickly hoping he could just smooth over what had just happened and maybe Peter hadnt even noticed. Yeah unless he was someplace else then latched on to him, then maybe. He mentally kicked himself and looked down at PEter. He felt Petes arms around his body and looked around slightly. He knew no one was around, they were in a secluded area, but he still looked anyway.
Physical touch that centered around sex was fine, Ashon could do that, but this was something else This was meant to comfort, this was on a completely different level and Ashton seriously had no idea what he was doing here. He awkwardly lifted his arms to put them around Peter, patting his back slightly as if you would if some random person came up and hugged you. Peter did feel nice though. Warm too and he seemed to fit around him so nicely. Ashton bit his lip his other arm sliding around his waist slowly, tentatively. For a moment or two he just let it rest there and then he let his hands kind of hold his waist his other arm wrapping around him, stopping their patting. He still didnt let his body curve into Peters, but at least it was relaxed.
Ashton didnt have much time to fully enjoy the hug now that he was letting himself give in a little, before Peter was pulling away from him, pulling his legs up and looking out at the water. Ashton studied his profile before shrugging and looking down when PEter looked at him again. mmm...
Ashton didnt think that Peter would reciprocate the feeling, but when he said those words Ashton didnt know what to think. Its not as if Peter could really do that anyway, it was just one of those things you say when someone says it. Like when you get complimented you always feel compelled to compliment back. Ashton didnt want that, didnt feel that way. He shrugged lamely. "Worry about yourself...' he said "I dont need protecting...' Hed been doing this for himself for so long he couldnt just roll over and put that in Peters hands. He wasnt going to let himself rely on something that would just let him down. Peter was one of the most genuine people he had met, but old habits die hard and some just never want to. Ashton couldnt bring himself to rely on someone like that, at least not yet.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 12, 2009 18:50:28 GMT -5
After a little bit the hug began to feel a little more natural. Peter had been worried at first when Ashton's body was so stiff against him. But as time went by Ashton seemed to get a little more comfortable. Peter was afraid that Ashton would tell him to get off or to stop hugging him or something like that. He wans't sure if he would be able to take that kind of rejection without being sore about it as much as he would like to think he would be okay with Ashton being so harsh with him. But when Peter felt Ashton's arms move around him, Peter could have possibly been the happiest boy on the planet. Sure it wasn't the best hug ever, but Ashton was still a beginner as far as hugging went. Or at least as far as hugging that didn't involve sex went.
Peter was sad that he had to pull away so soon just after Ashton was starting to get comfortable. He tried to convince himself that it was necessary, but he didn't like it. Of course, Peter was still trying to get over the initial shock of Ashton even saying that he wouldn't let anything happen to him. Peter couldn't help but feel overjoyed. It was amazing how one minute Ashton could have him worried about something, then completely happy the next. Sometimes Peter felt like he was riding a roller coaster of emotions... flowing from one emotion to another, never knowing which one he would end up in next. Even as the hug ended, though, Peter knew that there was a chance the friendship thing could work... At first he thought it would be different.
From where Peter stood it was either all or nothing. Peter had never agreed to swim in the middle for anyone, not even Alex. But here Peter was, sitting next to the boy he couldn't have, trying to hold himself back from doing something stupid and irrational. All or nothing... all was too much to hope for because Peter was sure Ashton had shot down all from the very beginning and nothing, well, Peter wasn't willing to lean towards that. So it seemed like Peter would have to swim in the middle for Ashton. All he could hope for was that he could still be saved if or when he started to drown.
But Ashton's reply to him made Peter look at him with a look that could only be taken as an 'are you kidding me' look. Peter really couldn't believe what he was hearing. His offer to protect Ashton had been shot down. rejected. spurned. Peter didn't think he could take that as a compliment. He thought it was good that Ashton was willing to not let anything happen to him, but he wasn't happy that Ashton thought he didn't need any protection. Peter wasn't too sure about what to think about it. He didn't want to think that Ashton didn't want his protection because he didn't think Peter was capable of it or that Peter was just doing it to be nice.
"No," Peter said, turning so that he could fully look at Ashton, "Say no to me all day if you want to. Seriously, but don't say no to that." He sighed, lowering his head, wishing he had longer hair that would at least cover his eyes. "God, I don't see why it's so hard for you to see that I really care about you." Peter looked back up, letting his eyes fall on Ashton's. "Please don't put me in the position of the helpless one that constantly needs to be looked after. I may be a little naive, but I can handle it, Ashton..."
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 12, 2009 21:09:37 GMT -5
Ashton remained silent, his eyes dropped to the grass and his lips were in a thin line. He rubbed at the back of his neck slightly before dropping his hand back into his lap. He didnt want to look at that look on Peters face. He didnt understand why it was a big deal really.
Finally Peter was talking and AShton looked up at him sharply. No?' he had no right to say no. Ashton frowned. "Why does that bother you so much?' he asked and looked away when he said that he cared for him. Peter made it sound so damn easy, but it wasnt. It wasnt easy. It wasnt!
Ashtons brown eyes connected with Peters again his brow raising. Im not making you into some innocent bunny or whatever thing cant take care of its self. You've gotten this far without me. Dont you think I dont see that. Im not a fucking ... whatver..' he stopped waving his hand a bit in dismissal. He didnt want to keep discussing this.
"I meant what I said Peter. I will try my hardest not to let anything happen to you. Granted Im not fucking god... or superman so ... but... he shook his head. "I can at least try and if something does happen, I can always make whoever did it pay. I can offer that because Im fucking retarded at everything else.' he finally stopped. At some point he had stood up and was not standing a couple feet away his arms crossed over his chest somewhat glaring, though not at peter, he just was looking at him and glaring. He was mad, but mostly because he just spilled a lot.
It didnt really seem like much, but There was a lot there. God what was wrong with him lately when talking to Peter. He seemed to just... vomit shit from his mouth. He really wanted a joint right now, something to calm him down. His hands were shaking somewhat where they rested on his arms.
Ashton, he wasnt sure for what reason, but hed been cutting back a lot. Maybe he was trying to quit, though he didnt want to think about that. He just had been cutting back and maybe he could blame his actions on that. Why else had he been so up and down and spilling stuff he normally wouldnt to people. No not poeple... Peter. He looked away from Peter then. He was so fucked at times. IT was his own doing but it still was there. He wasnt sure if Peter was goign to be pissed at him or not. Maybe he could add it to another reason to ignore him or be pissed, lord knew he had plenty and they were all valid.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Apr 13, 2009 12:30:01 GMT -5
Peter didn't think he had to answer Ashton's question about why it bothered him so much. There were a number of reason that it bothered him, but none, he suspected, would be good enough for Ashton. As Ashton spoke Peter felt compelled to argue. The whole of the time that Peter had known Ashton he had been trying to protect him from something, but wouldn't tell Peter what it was that he was being protected from. Peter didn't want Ashton to feel obligated to protect him, and with the refusal of the same feeling from Peter, well, it only looked more like that. He didn't get his chance to bolt back with a reply because Ashton had sort of waved it off, dismissing the conversation at that point.
Glancing down, Peter listened as Ashton continued to speak. When Ashton stood Peter pulled up his legs and wrapped his arms around them. He didn't even need to look to know that Ashton was upset. Peter bit his lip, trying to think of what he could say to that. There wasn't much he could say to it that probably woulnd't cause Ashton to get even angrier. He didn't think Ashton was God or Superman. Peter couldn't put that kind of expectation to someone no matter how much of a super nice person they seemed to be already. That just wasn't possible for anyone and Peter wouldn't expect it out of Ashton at akk,
Peter smoothed his hand over the blades of grass, contemplating a reply. "I'm sorry," Peter said finally, looking down at the grass, "You're not retarded at everything else, Ash. I just fail at being the right kind of friend." He said, finally standing so that he could talk to Ashton without having to look up in that awkward way. Peter didn't like arguing with Ashton, nor did he particularly enjoy that time that he had been ignoring Ashton. It took all that he had to not break down and talk to him until the concert. A grand total of four days... Peter couldn't believe that he had even made it that for being antisocial.
Peter stepped closer to Ashton, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Hey, um, let's just forget I said anything stupid there and just hang out." He offered. Peter didn't want to ruin the moment. There was no telling how few other times he would get to be alone with Ashton so he wanted to make the best out of it while he could. Arguing about pointless things probably wasn't a good way to spend it. He hated that he sometimes wanted to argue with Ashton about some things, but there were some things that Peter just felt should be argued.
OOC:// sorry it's sucktastic.
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