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Post by PETER WALKER on Mar 26, 2009 22:01:05 GMT -5
As Peter watched Ashton he was sure of two things. One, that he liked Ashton more than he should; and two, that he was very afraid of that fact. Peter didn't want to end up getting hurt again. But he had a problem with falling in love with guys he barely knew. Well, only one guy had been the problem, but to make himself feel better Peter had generalized the problem. When Peter had met Alex he would never have even thought about Alex being the one guy that would draw him into thinking he was bi. What scared him that most was that Alex and Ashton had similar personalities. Alex had been distant and cold at first, wanting more to just avoid people rather than attempt friendships. Peter was the one that changed that for Alex.
He had been persistent. The first time they had kissed had been in front of Peter's father, which had been a grave mistake, but Peter took the beating he recieved for it as an invitation to date Alex. For a while, and Peter was sure it would still be this way were he to see Alex again, but he would get intoxicated by just Alex's presence. He would find himself lingering on Alex's every word, finding every opportunity to touch the boy he could take. Every moment that his mind was not preoccupied with something else, Peter would think about Alex. Those days had passed, though and Peter never thought he would find anything else like it.
Ashton Johnson was a different story. He was so much like Alex, but so different at the same time. The feeling Peter got from Ashton felt... stronger. That was the part that scared him. He didn't think straight a lot of the time when he was with Ashton...said and did things that would be normally uncharacteristic for him. Sometimes Peter imagined touching Ashton, kissing him, and the warm feeling he had had before when he had woken up with his arm drapped around Ashton's waist. But when Alex had cheated on him Peter had been so... destoryed. With Ashton being even remotely similar to Alex, well, Peter was paranoid of getting hurt again.
At the same time Peter wanted to just go for it. His mind had a tendency to send him in a million different directions when it came to Ashton. Peter had to make himself focus on what Ashton was saying about the puppy and shove all of that other stuff to the back of his mind. Hs sighed at Ashton's answer. Peter really wished that Ashton had maybe just found Hobo on the side of the road or roaming around campus without a family to care for him.
Knowing that Hobo probably had a family out there who would be upset as his disappearance made Peter kind of sad. He could just imagine a little kid crying because his or her puppy was lost. To think of the worry and fear... Peter wouldn't like being in that position. Peter looked away from Ashton for a moment, trying to weigh out the pros and cons of what Ashton was saying. Ashton was right. Neither of them had seen any flyers... but that didn't mean anything. The way Ashton spoke told Peter that he wasn't too worried about it. But Peter was worried.
He didn't want Ashton or himself to get in trouble for dognapping. That would be horrible. But out of all of the cons Peter could come up with... there was one pro that outweighed everything. It was something Peter couldn't deny and it really helped make up his mind. That was the only time that Peter could remember seeing Ashton genuinely smile... while he was sober. Peter wasn't sure he could find it in himself to take that away from Ashton. In fact, Peter didn't think any further on it.
Looking up as Ashton asked the last question, Peter tilted his head. "I promised you earlier that I would take care of Hobo, and I intend to keep it." Peter said with a slight nod. "So yeah, I'll take care of him still, but we'll definitely need to get him tags or something so no one else can claim him." Peter moved to where he was standing right next to Ashton, leaning against the desk. "Besides," He said softly, leaning in toward Ashton, "Look at him... I don't think I could let him go back to a life of being ignored."
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Mar 27, 2009 14:52:46 GMT -5
Ashton really wasnt sure how how Peter would react. He almost didnt want to see the reaction, but he forced himself to anyway. Though, when Peter did the opposite of what he had thought hed do he barely kept himself blinking with surprise. Swallowing slightly he nodded slowly and looked away from Peter as he moved to stand next to him against the desk. Ashtons fingers played with the sleeve of his shirt.
Yeah? he managed to keep the disbelief out. Realizing how it sounded anyway he cleared his throat and shrugged indifferently Uh.. yeah... we'll have to.. do that really soon' he replied. He knew that if Peter had gone the way he expected him to, the way most people probably had gone he would have felt as though Peter had let him down, which was silly. Peter was a great guy and Ashton was sure he was the type to do the right thing. Even if he would have felt as though PEter was letting him down, he knew Peter wouldnt be letting himself down. S ome people had morals that if they went against them made them feel like utter shit.
He wondered briefly if Peter felt like crap or if he really was okay with this. Mentally shaking his head he pushed those thoughts away. Peter wasnt going to say a word.. or well turn Hobo in and thats what mattered.
When Peter said Besides, Ashton looked up at him with a 'hmmm...' but then his attention was drawn back to Hobo upon the rest of his sentence. He was glad to have somewhere for his attention to be directed that he didnt have to do on his own, because he was very aware at how close Peter was to him now. He had felt his body shift a bit as he leaned in and could feel his heat radiating from his body.
Ashtons hand gripped around his arm above his elbow, the blunt ends of his fingernails digging into his skin as much as they could due to their shortness. "..no, that definitly shouldnt... be an option. he replied, mentally kicking himself at how breathy that sounded. It was a short reply maybe Peter hadnt noticed. Peter could be really naive about some things, which was one of the things he liked about him. It could be one of the things that saved him in some sitations, though he wasnt quite sure.
There were so many times where Ashtons thought surprised him by wondering what was going on in Peters head. He kind of envied him sometimes, wishing he could just experience the way he was with life, see his outlook and his take on things. Ashton wondered if it would be as refreshing as it promised to be or if AShton would find that it was a very thin layer compared to the darkness hidden behind it.
There was so many times when he witnessed things from Peter, just by things he said and such, but never went into. Ashton didnt want remnants of past pain. THere was enough in most anyone. He wanted what he felt now. How he was at this point in his life, if he still had some dark secret that kept him from fully being how he probably wanted to be. Ashton also wanted his confidence, the way he was able to do something he wanted and make it happen.
Ashton didnt know anything about Peters past or his family but if he were his parents hed be shitting his pants right now.. or turning in their grave, whichever the situation, for how much I fucked up with him. Peter, Ashton thought, was definitly the type of kid any parent would kill for. He was smart, good looking, and talented beyond belief. People who fucked that up should be shot. Maybe if hed been like Peter, his parents would have been different, his life might have been different.
No, people were just sick in the head. THats just how it was and it didnt matter what you did they would still fuck shit up. Ashton didnt help make it better, he knew. He did everything his mother had preached to him not to do. No he wouldnt give her the satisfaction of his regret. She had left far before he tainted his life. She gave up on him, not the other way around. People were always out for themselves, thats just how life went.
Ashton wondered what Peter wanted out of life, besides his music of course. Ashton looked up at him then, completely forgetting how close Peter was to him. Ashton stilled, but didnt look away. He was trying to, but he couldnt. This was probably the closest theyd been since that night. Sure theyd been around each other, but not so close that his breath was catching in his throat and he had this nearly uncontrollable urge to close the small gap between them and kiss him.
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Post by PETER WALKER on Mar 27, 2009 20:09:31 GMT -5
Peter kept his eyes trained on Hobo. It probably wasn't a good thing that he already felt attached to the puppy. Hobo, though a new addition to Peter's life, felt like a really important addition to his life. Peter couldn't help but think he was doing the right thing. He had to be. Although Peter wouldn't admit to Ashton that his reason for keeping Hobo wasn't because Hobo was an extremely cute puppy or that Hobo needed attention. His real reason was that Hobo made Ashton happy. Peter felt that he was considering Ashton's feelings the way he would consider any of his other friends' feelings.
That had to be it. Ashton was just another friend...who he happened to have slept with. It would be their little secret, right? Kind of like how Peter and Cait had never talked about that kiss they had shared. Of course this was different. This time Peter wanted to talk about it. He didn't want to brush it under the rug like it never happened. But Ashton never seemed to want to talk about it, and Peter could deal with that. Mostly because Peter still wanted to tell himself that sex with Ashton was more than what it really was.
Peter nodded when Ashton spoke. He had a feeling that Hobo might be just what he needed. But that thought really did make him feel bad. Peter couldn't believe that he had just thought of using Hobo to keep Ashton close to him. It seemed so low that Peter would think that. He couldn't believe how much he just needed to see or talk to Ashton. Peter knew it wasn't healthy. The last time... the last time had nearly killed him. He didn't know if he should get so close to someone again. That would be a huge mistake that he wasn't sure he was willing to make. Peter could imagine it turning out much like the past. He would get too attached to Ashton, then find him in the arms of another boy... that would probably be the end of Peter's time at St. John's were he to build up his attachment to the degree it had been with Alex.
Fingers gripping the edge of the desk, Peter drew in a deep breath, unsuccessfully trying to hold back memories. Peter could remember the first time he had ever asked for a puppy. He had gone to his mother first, know she, if anything, would be the easiest to crack. The smell of the smoke she blew into his face still filtered throug his mind. Peter could remember it exactly. He would cough and his mother would dully ask him to spit it out. Peter's voice had been strained, mostly because he had asthma as a kid and had a hard time when his mother blew smoke in his face. But he had eventually gotten it out. She laughed in his face. "A puppy? She had said with a laugh, "It's a puppy you want? CAIN LISTEN TO YOUR SON SAY THIS CRAZY SHIT. We need to put 'im on that show were kids say asshole-ish things and get away with it."
Of course Peter always tensed up when his father was called into the room. His father was essentially his living nightmare. Peter closed his eyes, remembering what had followed after his mother had told his father what he wanted. Cain didn't laugh, he didn't yell, and he didn't even crack a smile. He simply grabbed Peter by the wrist, forcefully pulled him into his bedroom, and beat the shit out of him. After that Peter knew it would be stupid to aks for any other pets. When Peter's eyes reopened on Hobo, he release the breath that he had been holding during that time.
When Peter looked back to Ashton he hadn't expected Ashton to turn to look at him. Peter didn't bother moving. He didn't want to. The first thing that popped into his head was kissing Ashton. As much as Peter wanted to... he didn't want Ashton to leave and he was afraid that would be the first thing Ashton would do if he were to kiss him. Peter drew in a deep breath trying to avoid doing what seemed inevitable. He took the moment to lean in just a little closer to where his lips barely touched Ashton's, but it wasn't a kiss.
Peter turned his head away, folding his arms over his stomach. What was it about Ashton that just seemed to take what little control he had away from him? At least he hadn't drawn Ashton into a kiss. That might have ended badly. Not that the almost kiss wouldn't end just as badly. Peter never knew what to expect from Ashton.
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Post by ASHTON JOHNSON on Apr 14, 2009 1:01:00 GMT -5
Peter was looking at him and Ashton didnt look away. Time seemed to stand still and Ashtons body was nearly leaning towards Peters, but then Peter was looking away. THe spell was broke and Ashton dropped his gaze, gripping onto the desk for support
He was seriously losing his head. He had actually wanted Peter to kiss him, or maybe he had wanted to kiss Peter. Either way, that shouldnt have been going through his head at all. He was glad that Peter hadnt kissed him but at the same time he was disappointed. Lickinghis lips he pushed away from the desk.
"So um.. yeah..' he looked over at Hobo. Walking over he knelt and scratched behind her ears. "Gotta go.' he told her. "you be good to your new owner. ' he leaned foward and kissed the top of her head, rubbing the top of her head agian before straightening up to look back over at Peter.
I got some stuff to do..' he started. "So um.. yeah Ill see you later.' he gave a small nod. "Ill come over later, or.. something you know. See how things are going. If you decide you dont want him after all just let me know.' he told him though he hoped it wouldnt come to that. He would keep hobo if Peter wouldnt, cause he definitly wouldnt trust anyone else to take care of her. Ashton was very partcular on who he trusted especially with something like this.
He gave him one last nod goodbye before making his way over and making his exit. He made sure not to rush out like he so desperately wanted to. He didnt like awkward situations and he wasnt sure if it was ever going to not be awkward with them, especially when things like that happened.
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